Tigers Are Retarded

Ok, I wanted to write this post after Clemson fired Tommy Bowden earlier this fall, but they ended up giving the job to Dabo (are you kidding me with that name?) Swinney. By staying in house, those Tigers escaped my rage.

Thankfully, another set of retarded felines apparently have stepped up and taken their place today, as Auburn has fired Tommy Tuberville. This was like a gift from idiot heaven, as I think that this firing was actually worse than Bowden's-- and I thought Bowden's was one of the worst in years. Tommy Tuberville did not deserve to be fired for the Tigers performance this year, and I believe that Auburn has put itself in an incredibly dangerous situation by letting this talented coach leave.

Let's first look at why Tuberville deserved to keep his job. In his ten seasons at Auburn, Tuberville has amassed a record of 85-40, which comes to an easy average record of 8-4 per year. If you throw out this years 5-7 record, he averaged 9 wins per season. This is an impressive record, especially when you factor in that Auburn has only averaged 6 wins and change over it's 116 year history. In fact, Tuberville has the third highest winning percentage in school history since 1922, and he is actually second if you don't count Terry Bowden's winning percentage vs. 19 Year Old's Virginity in his career stats. Tuberville took Auburn to 8 bowls in 10 seasons, went 5-3 in those bowls, took them to an undefeated season and #3 ranking in 2004 with a victory in the Sugar Bowl, and has three other SEC Western Division Championships. He has produced 12 All-Americans, 6 first round draft picks, and currently has 67 players in the NFL. Oh yeah, and he also has a 7-3 record against Alabama. That's the second best record in series history-- second only to a guy named Bear. I think that makes Tuberville Auburn's version of Day Man-- Fighter of the Night Man, Champion of the Sun. He's a Master of Karate and Friendship for Everyone. Ahhh Ahhh!

So why do you fire him? For having his first losing season since his first year at Auburn. People also forget one of the major reasons why his team was bad this year. Tuberville knew the Auburn alumni are insane, and so when Auburn had trouble adjusting to Tony Franklin's spread offense that the alums forced him to adopt, he had to fire Franklin mid-season in order to keep those same alums from firing him. While you can say he had to fire Franklin because the rest of the offensive staff allegedly revolted against him, Tuberville also wouldn't have brought Franklin in without clearing out the entire offensive staff in the first place if he wasn't forced into the move.

While it is clearly idiotic to hire one of your two best non-pedophile coaches in the past 75 years, it is also a very dangerous precedent for Auburn to set. If you are a prospective coach, why on earth would you take this job? You are replacing a coach who was fired because 8.5 wins per year was deemed to be insufficient in the SEC, so that means you better average 9.5 wins per year and win 80% of your games against Alabama or your ass is also getting Donald Trumped. Oh yeah, on top of that, you have to win that much with that whole Nick Saban guy at Alabama now. While Mike Shula was coach, Auburn for a few years was the big dog along the Gulf Coast. Now, you are expected to win more than Tuberville while also only getting Saban's in-state Sean Avery's. You can make all the arguments about the money in the SEC, but guess what, all football schools offer big money. Good luck getting a marquee name now.

My hope is that Tuberville pulls a Houston Nutt (after Nutt pulled a Tuberville?), and makes the jump from one SEC school to another. I hear Mississippi State has an opening . . .