My Picks for Coach of the Year

Third Place:
Nick Saban: He has a lot going for him. First of all, he led Alabama to an undefeated regular season. Second, unlike the other coaches, he actually has some level of physical fitness—I like coaches who lead their athletes by example both on the field and at the buffet table (Coach don’t need that much protein). He took Alabama to its first Sugar Bowl since since 1992. The only problem? Great coaches have hats. Les Miles has that ridiculous albino growing out of his forehead, Steve Spurrier wears that equally ridiculous visor over his circumcision sca. Hell, even the Tuscaloosa Legend had his houndstooth cap. Saban taunts me ever spring by wearing this gem during preseason practices, yet never on the sidelines during games. Come on, if Greg Norman’s multiple Green Jackets taught us anything, anyone who wearing a straw hat is the real playmaker on that sideline. I also think it would be a lovely way to remind players that while he may be threatening to drink the blood of their first born child because they took an unnecessary timeout, he's still a beach guy at heart.

Second Place
Brady Hoke: The Ball State coach has come out of no where and put himself at the center of both many AP photos and the Coach of the Year debate. All he’s done is guide his team to one of four undefeated regular seasons in Division 1A (still waiting, Axl, at least give me a promo copy of Chinese Democracy. I love ironic album titles) and was the only coach on this list to take his team to the first undefeated season in school history. How bad is this program traditionally? They actually include the line, “Praying for a Victory,” in their fight song. If you need Jesus to defeat the Miami Redhawks, congratulations, you make Gili look like a box office success. They have also overcome injuries. Their best player, WR Dante Love, was nearly paralyzed in the third week of the season and they still went undefeated. Very impressive, but it’s still the MAC Conference, and the Big 12 already told us that it’s totally legit to screw over any successful Macks this season.

First Place
Brian Kelly: Brian Kelly is my choice for coach of the year. Kelly, if you are unaware, and judging by home attendance you aren't, is the head coach at the University of Cincinnati. For those of you not keeping up with the never ending roller coaster ride that is Bearcats football, the team this year has gone 10-2 and won the Big East (they still have one remaining game against Hawaii on Saturday). One of those losses was against Big 12 North Champion Oklahoma in Norman, in front of unquestionable the best, loudest, most intelligent fans in the whole Big 12 (suck it, Hoogs). He is my vote because he is taking Cincinnati to a BCS game for the first time in school history—in fact, it’s their first January 1 bowl since Rockabilly was considered the hip music of dangerous adolescents. He has transformed an average program into the Big East champion. OK, that didn’t sell me either. Umm, how about this, no coach makes red more slimming?

Let’s try this again. Brian Kelly deserves this title because no coach has had to overcome more in terms of injuries than he has this year. He has been through not one, not two, not four, but six, SIX different quarterbacks this year. The Wire only had 5 seasons, Jack Baur only has one terrorist attack to handle at a time, and Kelly won with six quarterbcks! That’s 1.67 wins per quarterback! How many other winning teams can even begin to have faced and overcome odds like that? This is the most improbable success since Chuckie proposed to Amy.

Honorable Mentions: Turner Gill (Buffalo) and Paul Johnson (GA Tech)