Saturday, December 20, 2008

Davidson-Purdue Live Blog

Brooks: Welcome back to the live blog. This afternoon we have a match up between Purdue and Davidson. Unfortunately, we don't have Verne nor Greg Anthony to entertain us, but we'll make (Pur)due.

Uncle D: After Rick Barnes effectively demonstrates that he cannot coach, CBS kicks it's coverage to Purdue Davidson. I haven't seen the Boiler Makers play in two years, where the fuck is Gene Keady? Doesn't matter, Purdue is up three touchdowns with 13:00 left in the first.

11:56 Left in the 1st
Brooks: Stephon Curry once again proves that he is not ready for the NBA after series of events where he missed a shot, hustled back on defense, drew the charge, and didn't impregnate his girlfriend on the way back to huddle at the break. Enjoy college while you can, son

Uncle D: After clearing my second consecutive sunny Saturday afternoon to live blog the late CBS game, the game is already over with more than 10 minutes left in the first half, 25-2 Purdue.

At least I will now be treated to an afternoon of Stephon Curry hoisting threes like Chris Mullen in NBA Jam.

9:48 Left in the 1st
Brooks: The announcing team just declared Stephon Curry "Unguardable." When asked to explain how Purdue has held Curry to 1-9 shooting so far, the announcing team looks confused as reminds us that he's scored 40 three times this year.

These guys also have no idea who the other players on the Purdue team are. So far, we know their power forward is simply a "Nigerian." I had no idea the Davidson coach was using the same recruiting strategy as Kevin Bacon in "The Air Up There."

29-15 Purdue

7:27 Left in the First
Uncle D: Davidson just looked in the mirror, didn't like what it saw, and decided to go on a run. After starting the game down 21-0, they have sliced the lead to 12.

CBS' Jim Spenarkel observes that Davidson has been a different team since the 10 minute mark. Really Jim, cause it still seems like Stephon Curry is taking every other shot . . .

6:29 Left in the 1st
Brooks: Steve Rossiter has thrown his name in for "Worst Tat in College Basketball." Yeah, nothing says awkward, white small forward quite like having what looks to be the Indian Chief from the cigar shop in Seinfeld on your right shoulder

3:02 Left in the First
Brooks: As we approach halftime, Pacers coach Jim O'Brien appears to be putting himself in the tunnel to ask both teams if any of their players would like to play in another game this evening

2:42 Left in the First
Uncle D: Seriously, why is Shane McMahon coaching Purdue? Where the fuck is Gene Keady? Keady had the brains of a scientist and looked as if he was created by one. Anytime you are lucky enough to get a coaching savant that looks like he was formed by crossing the mother from "The Goonies", Fraken Berry, and a tin of shoe polish, you don't let him retire.

Incidentally, Purdue is still cruising. Mike Gminiski says Curry is starting to find a rhythm over the graphic reading he is 3-14. Something tells me Gminiski can't dance.

Half Time Thoughts
Uncle D:
-Something is telling me Davidson got back to their locker room only to discover some morbidly obese truck driver was taking all their Miller High Life away.

-The evidence is starting to mount that Jim Spanarkel is not supposed to be announcing this game and is not even affiliated with CBS. He mentioned that his head-set (presumably one that he brought himself) momentarily died and he is the only one on the broadcast team not wearing a blazer with the CBS Eye logo emblazoned on the crest.

-A holiday graphic displaying Stephon Curry's first half shot selection wishes everyone watching at home a merry "X-Miss"

16:32 Left in the 2nd
Brooks: Thank you, CBS, for once again refusing to cut away from this 58-31 Purdue lead. You are sparing us the horror of having to watch the UConn-Gonzaga game, which is a one point nail biter between top 5 teams. I would much rather watch Robbie Hummel continue to shoot off balanced mid-range jumpers all afternoon

13:50 Left in the 2nd
Brooks: The announcing team just lamented the fact that no one in college basketball wears knee pads anymore. Fitting, seeing as this game blows

13:37 Left in the . . . Wait . . .
Uncle D: From the network that Greenlit a Jay Mohr sitcom, CBS actually makes a good and obvious decision to grant Brooks' wish and cut to the UCONN-Gonzaga game.

UCONN-GONZAGA Live Blog

9:00 Left in 2nd Half of UCONN-Gonzaga
Uncle D: Gonzaga looks impressive as they open a 6 point lead on #2 UCONN. Up to this point they have done a good job of containing Hasheem Thabeet, who has improved his game exponentially since he was first discovered by Kevin Bacon.

Brooks: UConned me once again into thinking it was going to be a waste of an afternoon, CBS, but we'll continue the live blog with our new match up.

I see that this match up is billed as the "Battle in Seattle," which I suppose is clever because it rhymes. I see the floor is still green and yellow, and I have to say, the Supersonics must be really bad this year because I haven't seen any of their highlights on Sportscenter at all this year

7:21 Left in the Second
Uncle D: A quick side note. This game is being played at the Key Arena, formerly the home of the Seattle Super Sonics. It is a shame this venue now only sees limited action as it was witness to such historic Seattle sports moments as the 1996 NBA Finals and the conception of Shawn Kemp's first four illegitimate children.

Brooks: Jim Calhoun never ceases to amaze me. No matter what point in the season, no matter how big the game, no matter how large the viewing audience, he perpetually looks like he just walked out of a bar and into the gym after spending the last 9 hours drinking scotch. Can we somehow get a BAC count on this guy?

In a related note, UConn is on a run and is stealing points from Gonzaga like they're computers in a freshmen dorm. 65-61 Gonzaga

6:11 Left in the Second
Brooks: I'm glad to see Gonzaga has found a replacement for Adam Morrison in Matt Bouldin, who also is white, has shaggy hair, and makes Sean May look like a successful NBA player

4:45 Left in the Game
Brooks: Man, I wonder who won the Purdue-Davidson game. . .

Uncle D: Update (Robert Stack-style)- Davidson has cut the Purdue lead to 17 with 1:40 left in the 2nd. Stephon Curry was heard on the sideline saying "Fuck this, I'm getting mine."

33 Seconds Left in the 2nd
Uncle D: Gus Johnson has just been physically restrained by Key Arena security and subdued with a sedative. Unfortunately, it has happened to him so many times, he is now immune.

The combination of Johnson and competitiveness, has made this an entertaining game.

29.6 Left in the Game
Brooks: Sorry for the delay in the posts, but this game is too enthralling. 72-71 Gonzaga, and the Zags have the ball.

I just noticed that UConn's point guard, AJ Price, is a 36% free throw shooter on the season. How is this possible? A point guard that can't make free throws? That's like Tracy Morgan showing up sober for a live interview. He is Brian Fellow!

End of Regulation
Brooks: I hope the Key Arena janitorial staff is on their game, because Gus Johnson just blew hit nut all over the floor after AJ Price hits a 3 pointer with 7 seconds left to force OT. I'd hate to see Mark Few have to step in that with those nice wingtips

Uncle D: AJ Price hits an improbable 3 sending this game into overtime and Gus Johnson into hysterics. As a result, I will be treated to an additional 5 minutes of basketball even though the speakers on my television were blown out by Johnson. Incidentally, Greg Anthony will not be announcing the extra session as he is in the corner of the arena in the fetal position sucking his thumb.

4:45 Left in OT
Uncle D: Gus Johnson spits at the ref after calling a questionable technical on Hasheem Thabeet, causing him to foul out.

Brooks: My favorite part of this series of events was Johnson criticizing the ref for being "over-officious." It seems Johnson is getting a little to Commentator-icious this evening.

At any rate, Thabeet will not go on for UConn this evening

End of Game
Uncle D: OT was anti-climatic, although it illustrated that, even without their best player, UCONN remains the team Thabeet in the Big East and perhaps the nation. Somewhere in Chapel Hill Psycho-T watched this game with his mouth wide open.

Brooks: Well, UConn stormed back in the last two minutes of the game and dominated OT as if their parole hinged on the outcome of this game-- and it did. 88-83 UConn. Enjoy "48 Hours: Mystery" tonight on CBS

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