Second Round Predictions

Well, we have survived the first round of the tournament. Fortunately, just like Rocky in all his movies, we are going to keep fighting into the secod round. Like all good teams in this tournament, we're not going to get cocky. We're going to take it one game at a time. We're going to go back, look at our film, and see what we can do better. We're going to look at both sides of the court, take care of the ball, and not beat ourselves. We're going to come out with this round's predictions, going to come out hungry, and be aggressive. B-E and A-G-G and R-E-S-S-I-V-E. Aggressive. Here are our predictions for the second round of this madness:

Brooks:

South Region:

1 UNC v 8 LSU: This is a tough one. On the one hand, UNC is way better at shooting, rebounding, passing, running, and, I think, quantum physics than LSU. On the other hand, Roy Williams does have a lot of 2nd round brain fart losses in his career (most recently the 2006 tournament with UNC). I also never want to see LSU fans happy about anything sports-related ever again, though, so I'm going with the Tar Heels and their masturbating power forward.

4 Gonzaga v 12 Western Kentucky: The western Kentucky region might be home to enough moonshine and meth labs to make your cousin look attractive and to think this is a good looking suit, but Gonzaga's star Josh Heytvelt only does mushrooms so he should avoid the WKU temptation. The good Catholic Zags avoid temptation and beat the Hilltoppers, but they feel terribly guilty afterwards.

6 Arizona State v 3 Syracuse: I'm not going to lie, but I know nothing about the Arizona State basketball team. Can't name one player (is Andre Iguodala still nailing future porn stars out there?). What I do know, however, is that Syracuse has a starter who looks like this. What's not included in that photo is the sweet tat on the base of his neck. Somebody better inform the New York State Police that Jim Boheim has recruited the guy from the Stan music video. No way I can support this team. Sun Devils in this one.

10 Michigan v 2 Oklahoma: I've been taking crap all week for not predicting Michigan to go farther in the tournament. John Beilein is a great tournament coach, I think he has a team that can go deep behind two solid scorers in Manny Harris up top and DeShawn Sims down low. More importantly for tournament play, Jeff Capel apparently has confused his T-Mobile 5 and his starting five, since his bench has gotten less play this year than Anthony Michael Hall in a John Hughes film. President Obama also picked Oklahoma, and from what I understand, he didn't do a good job vetting the tournament before nominating his Sweet Sixteen. I'm calling it: Michigan is sticking around for another week.

East Region

1 Pitt v 8 Oklahoma State: Pitt narrowly avoided being the first 1 seed to ever lose in the first round, and OSU looked very good in their win over Bruce's Pearl of Wisdom. As a general rule, however, I'm never one to doubt a side part. So Jamie Dixon and Pitt will pull this one out (that's what she said).

4. Xavier v 12 Wisconsin: Xavier is named after the spiritual leader of the X Men, and the 3 Musketeers were pretty bad ass (even if they were also rather ambiguous). Wisconsin has no clever pop culture references, and I learned in X2 that humans are no match for mutants. Xavier wins this game big.

3 Villanova v 6 UCLA: Not since Billy Donovan have I been able so certain that a coach cheats just by looking at him once. Nova Jay Wright, I mean, look at this photo. Is he celebrating a good possession, or did he just order Jim Calhoun to be whacked for "f-cking with his money"? Either way, his players are well paied and Nova will beat the Bill Walton Flying Big Man Brigade.

2 Duke v 7 Texas: Rick Barnes v Coach K? Really? If Special Olympics jokes were still politically acceptable, I'd make that joke here. Let's just say, I'm giving Rick Barnes a "#1" foam finger that isn't shaped right. And yes, if Rick Barnes ever becomes a retarded chimpanzee, I will run and change my pick. Duke holds serve (tennis reference: check!)