Round Three Predictions

Ahh, I remember my sweet sixteen. My Dad rented out a beach house at the Malibu Sands beach club. All of my closest friends were going to be there, mostly as waitstaff because I'm rich and they have to work in the summers like all poor people, but they were still going to share that moment with me. There was a brief moment of concern when it was revealed that one of the more mischievous staff members had double booked the ball room with a 50th Wedding Anniversary (oh man, think of the generational divide! What would we talk about, prunes and the "good ol days" of segregation?), but it all turned out great as the two groups united into one great party! Unfortunately, this is not real. This was actually Lisa Turtle's Sweet Sixteen, not mine. I had no Sweet Sixteen, but thanks to Peter Engel, I sure can dream . . .

That aside, the Third Round of the Madness returns tomorrow after three days off. Here are our predictions for what will go down on Thursday and Friday, and as always, remember that these picks are both "daring" and "brilliant."

South Bracket
1 UNC v 4 Gonzaga: This is one of the two most intriguing games in this round of the tournament. Both teams play great offense, both teams are fast, athletic, and negligent on defense. It'll be high scoring and entertaining. Unfortunately, I learned in college that no team can be successful when it has two 6'11" guys down low that think they are actually shooting guards like Gonzaga's Josh Heytvelt and Austin Daye. It can work for a couple of rounds, but you need to bang down low eventually if you really want to score (that's what she said). "Mark" my words, but there will be too "Few" guys down low for the Zags to keep their dream alive. UNC advances onto the 8.

3 Syracuse v 2 Oklahoma: Well, this game gives us the chance to answer Uncle D's initial question of the tournament: can two douches occupy the same space at the same time without the universe imploding? We'll find out in the epic battle of Blake Griffin v. Eric Devendorf. They won't mark each other 1 v 1, but we'll see whether or not the entire city of Memphis goes into a diabetic coma when these two play on the same court. In the end, I think it will be Blake Griffin's ability to both make headsy plays with sound fundamentals boxing out combined with his flashy, athletic ability to just make plays regardless of his team mates that will make the difference. Also, since some people are claiming that Tim Brando's love for Griffin is now "Tebow-esque," I assume he's unstoppable. Somehow, OU continues to advance.


East Region
1 Pitt v 4 Xavier: My heart is pulling me towards picking Xavier. After all, I should have learned my lesson about not picking Cinderella's from my home state after Cleveland State ruined Wake's dreams of beautiful Detroit in spring time. On the other hand, DeJuan Blair and Sam Young are absolute beasts on the boards and down low. I think that Pittsburgh is able to channel the winning philosophy of Omar Epp's local brother and pulls out a surprisingly close win.

2 Duke v 3 Villanova: This is the best match up of the tournament. Two programs that have national championships, and two coaches that run almost the exact same styles of offense and defense. If you love big men, you'll probably want to spend Friday night watching "Comedy Central Presents: Patrice O'Neal and Jokes You Won't Understand About Characters You Can't Follow Unless He Says 'I'm the Juggernaut, Bitch' Or Something From 'The Office'." Duke makes runs in the tournament when it has upper-classmen that can put the entire roster on its back in this round (see Laetner, Christian; Hill, Grant; and Battier, Shane) to get them to the Final Four, but I just don't see Gerald Henderson playing that role this year. 'Nova goes on.

Uncle D:

Midwest Region

1 Louisville v 12 Arizona:  This one should be easy.  Rick Pitino is the proud owner of  an 8-0 all-time record in Sweet Sixteen games, whereas Arizona Rookie Interim Coach Russ Pennell used to make Glenlivet runs for Eddie Sutton while he was on the staff at Oklahoma State. However, this game will not be decided by Pitino or Pennell (who looks like Rod Blagojevich with a High and Tight), rather the outcome will be determined by the play of Arizona's Jordan Hill and Chase Budinger.  Hill, who is a legit lottery pick, can score from anywhere on the floor and will prove to be  a bit savvier than Louisville forwards Terrance Williams and Samardo Samuels. Meanwhile, Chase Budinger's seemingly inhuman versatility may prove too much for the Cardinals.  In order to illustrate his potential impact, here is the Louisville scouting report on Budinger: 

--Better at Volleyball (not saying much)

--Won a Best Original Song Oscar in 2007 for "Once"

--Favorite Broadway musical is "Stomp"  

--Albinism makes his 40 inch vertical look like a hoptical illusion (terrible)

Consequently, it is not so much a scouting report as it is a recipe for a 12-1 upset special.  I believe Arizona will emerge victorious and will immediately fire Pennell in favor of the seemingly available Pitino. 

2 Michigan St. v 3 Kansas: Well, it is the Sweet 16 and I have yet to stop payment on my tournament pool entry fee.  One of the primary reasons I haven't performed my annual welch is that my national runner-up, Michigan State, is still alive.  Unfortunately, against my better judgment, I did not adhere to my self-imposed "Huggins Rule" and predicted West Virginia to be my Method Man and Meet the Spartans instead of Kansas.  This match-up is considerably more worrisome considering Bill Self can actually coach himself out of a paper bag, as opposed to Huggins, who uses one to conceal his Nattie Ice when driving between recruitment visits. However, considering Izzo handled Self by 13 earlier this year, albeit at home, I am still confident Michigan State will advance to the Buddinger 8.

West Region

1 UCONN v 5 Purdue: A Yahoo! Sports news story surfaced today suggesting UCONN violated NCAA policy by contacting former recruit and inevitable bust Nate Miles over 1,500 times by phone. Coach Jim Calhoun dismissed the report by saying he let his colleague Calvin Sampson test his new iPhone that weekend.  However, if this story does have substance, it could negatively impact the UCONN basketball program for the next several years, including a possible probation and the loss of corporate sponsorships, such as Nike. If that is the case, Under Armour could become the Huskies official outfitter, which makes sense considering Calhoun thinks 'Click Clack' is Hasheem Thabeet's native language.  Anyway, despite this potential distraction, UCONN will eliminate Coach Shane McMahon's Boiler Makers from the NCAA's answer to the Royal Rumble. 

2 Memphis v 3 Missouri: Much like the aforementioned Lisa Turtle, both these teams are Tigers.  However, the differential disparity between these nominally similar beasts is the anemic Conference USA--hence, Memphis is more of a Paper Tiger that my bracket hopes will be tamed by the 'Zou.  Missouri did something down the stretch of their gutty victory over Marquette that must have seemed unrecognizable to Memphis Coach John Calipari--they hit "free throws".  That will be the difference again as Mizzou's Tiger fist bumps Steve Williams and advances on.