East and West Bracket Predictions

Brooks:

So, here are my predictions for the East. I'm not sure why I was picked to ask about the East, after all my preference for the early 90s hip-hop of Snoop (as he was known at the time) "Doggy Dogg" over Mo-Mo-Glorious P.I.G. is well established. Uncle D is also from the greater New York City, which I'm pretty sure Sarah Palin told me was on the East Coast at some point, so this really makes sense. But, I will do my best. Uncle D will give you the left half later, which I strongly recommend you pay more attention to. My fearless first round predictions for the East . . .

1 Pittsburgh v 16 E. Tennessee St: No 16 seed has ever, ever, EVER deserved to even make the tournament. It's absolutely ridiculous they are even included. Pittsburgh is steel city, and they are going to ram one long rod straight up the ass of poor ETSU.

8 Oklahoma St v 9 Tennessee: Not going to lie, I'm already tired of typing the word "Tennesee" in this post, especially if it doesn't include the phrase "Lane Kiffin recruiting violations," or even better, "Lane Kiffin's ridiculously hot wife." The only thing I'm more sick of is Bruce Pearl and his shameless self-promotion. Thanks, Bruce, you finally answered my age-old debate of "Is there anyone I would like to see topless less than Pat Summit"?

5 Florida State v 12 Wisconsin: In what will certainly be the most un-watchable game of the tournament, we will see if it will be the most boring 12-5 upset ever. Florida State is the typical overranked tourney team: so-so regular season record, big conference tournament run, still ended their season on a loss, and don't play for 4 days between the ACC and NCAA tournament to cool off. Bo Ryan chokes hard in the tourney, but not even he can blow this one.

4 Xavier v 13 Portland State: My fraternity in college used to say it didn't suck and that we were cool, even though we rarely had attractive girls show up and even more rarely did they let us touch them in their precious "bikini zone." Xavier refuses to call itself a mid-major, even though it plays in the A-10 and almost never gets past the Sweet Sixteen. They still win this game, but they are also as crappy at basketball as my friends are with women.

6 UCLA v 11 VCU: I pointed out in our Selection Show Live Blog that the last time VCU made the tournament as an 11 seed, they knocked off 6th ranked Duke. Duke was a traditional power that had a down year, but probably got a higher seed than it deserved. UCLA didn't win the weak Pac 10, but still got a 6 seed because it was in the last 3 Final Fours. Interesting, but I still think UCLA will pull this one off (but it'll be close).

3 Villanova v 14 American: I'm just going to go ahead and say it-- America voted for Obama in 2008, and therefore, Americans hate America. For those of you who like logic games, by the transitive property of Obama that means that: America hates capitalism, America hates our troops, and America hates apple pie. Americans, by definition, also hate American University. Go Nova.

7 Texas v 10 Minnesota: All Gophers in this one. Suck it, Hoogs. (And thanks, Mike, for becoming a follower of Office Tailgate!)

2 Duke v 15 Binghamton: When your most famous basketball alum is Tony Kornheiser, who is an athlete in the sense that he covered the Washington Bullets during the George Muresan-era of DC basketball, you're pretty much screwed. I'm not sure who Duke's coach is, mostly because American Express dropped me almost as fast as they dropped their celebrity-spokespeople, but I'm sure he's good enough to get them to the second round.

WEST BRACKET:

Uncle D:

1. Connecticut vs. 16. Chattanooga:  As a Big East team, it will be interesting to see what impact playing in the West Bracket will have on UCONN.  Hopefully for Coach Calhoun, his squad can not only adapt to traveling to Philadelphia, but will be able to avoid confusion when Villanova doesn't come running on the court in their home whites.  I am picking UCONN, not because they are a superior team, but because a flukey conference tournament run by Chattanooga deprived The Citadel of a tournament appearance.  My father's alma mater won 20 games this year, matching their previous decade high.

8. BYU vs. 9. Texas A&M: The Cougars, also known as "The Real Players of BYU Basketball," traditionally boast a squad consisting of older players.  I visited three different sites listing their roster and each had an empty DOB column, perhaps the records don't go back that far. Consequently, I am picking the fresh legs of Texas A&M and hope they can convert on this seemingly favorable first round match-up.

5. Purdue vs. 12. Northern Iowa: I believe Northern Iowa has been overly confident since hearing they had been matched up against the Big 10 Champions.  Consequently, they have been watching film of Washington and Mississippi State all week.  Thus, Purdue, in spite of Coach McMahon's overly physical style of coaching, will emerge  victorious.

4. Washington vs. 13. Mississippi State: The overall national consensus has deemed Mississippi State a dangerous 13 seed and I am in complete agreement.  It is absolutely dangerous for college basketball when the champion of a presumed national power conference is ranked this low, yet it is not low enough.  If this trend continues, maybe next year Florida may be the first 16 to beat a 1. Washington rolls in this one.

6. Marquette vs. 11. Utah St: Dickie V was decidedly surprised when the Selection Committee grossly overlooked Big East power Marquette as a 1 seed. His justifiable expectations aside, I don't want to deprive the state of Utah (they do enough abstaining of their own) of a team advancing to the second round, hence I am going with the Aggies.

3. Missouri vs. 14 Cornell:  I am taking Missouri, not because I have the Tigers advancing to the Final 4, but because Cornell players will be too preoccupied critiquing and evaluating the management of their hotel to review any film.

7. California vs. 10 Maryland: If these two teams dated, would they be the 'Bearappins'? Awful comments like that indicate how disinterested I am in discussing a match-up of two mediocre teams that benefit from playing in major conferences.  I am going with Cal because Deion Sanders believes in Kyle Boller. 

2. Memphis vs. Cal St. Northridge: It is ironic that, even though Memphis plays in something called Conference USA, all they do is run.  Despite the button making efforts of the Northridge parents, Memphis will advance to the second round.