And Around and Around We Go

Wow.

Wow.

Wow!

When I woke up on December 30 to watch some low level bowl games, I was excited for two things: the Jan 1 and BCS bowls, and how the recruiting season would shape up in January. I was convinced that was all that was left to look forward to until next summer, since not even I can get up for watching 7 v 7 and tackling drills on ESPNU during the spring. Unless Saban's on, in which case I watch to see if he can make another player cry and to see whether or not it's true that he gets his coaching genius from constantly drinking a flask filled with mountain gorilla hair and lemur eyes.

Since then, we had a major scandal. Mike Leach was fired over a disagreement between him and the administration about whether or not Adam James was a douche before or after his concussion (I hear it from reputable doctors, who do not exist nor having medical degrees, that the answer is both). The real stunner, however, was the Texas Tech pulled in a big time coach-- former Ole Miss and Auburn coach Tommy Tuberville. While there are certainly questions about this hiring-- most notably, how a coach that fired his last spread-based offensive coordinator and built his reputation on the power running game will handle a roster built for Leach's "air raid" passing attack-- but the positives far outweigh the negatives. He is a national name that coached at a football school in a BCS conference, won their and made a serious run at a national title, and owned his rival school by going 8-1 against Alabama. He still has ties in the South after being a SEC head coach for 13 years, and now can recruit the rich state of Texas. Texas Tech made the Big 12 South interesting under Leach. While there will be growing pains in the next four years as Tuberville turns over the roster, in five years I would assume the program will be in even better position than it is today.

And then Friday happened.

The college football world was rocked when the best coach in America (best defined as: national titles, recruiting prowess, record in bowl games and against rivals, and having fully functional heart valves) jumped ship to the NFL. When Pete Carroll left USC, it was a big deal because it not only took possibly the biggest fish in college football out of the ocean, but it also suddenly opened one of the premier jobs in college football, and certainly the premier job in the West. This move, in and of itself, raised amazing questions that make college football rumor mills and In Touch magazine so much fun: what will happen their recruits? will Matt Barkley transfer? is he leaving because of inevitable NCAA sanctions?

The answers: who knows, but it'll hurt; no; and the court of public opinion says definitely yes.

But we didn't even get to the major question: who will replace Carroll at USC? Well, after such big time college football names as Mike Riley (woo! and he was the most qualified), Jeff Fischer, Jack Del Rio, and every college football fans greatest wish-- Herm Edwards, USC finally found a coach. Denying all logic, they got a coach with actual college football experience. The man they found? Lane Kiffin. Yes, that Lane Kiffen. Yes, the Tennessee coach. Yes, that Lane Kiffin. Yes, that Lane Kiffin. Yes, that Lane Kiffin (looks like plenty of eye candy in Los Angeles. Finally, that city has been ugly as shit for too long). More importantly, all rumors say that defensive coordinator Monte Kiffen, recruiting coordinator Ed Orgeron, and his incredibly hot MILF of a wife are all going with him to SoCal. Yes, that Mrs. Kiffin.

This is amazing. This, combined with the fact that Mark McGwire admitted publicly that he did use steriods while he played, has to be a wet dream for the four menopausal men that sit on the sports reporters. For the first time in two decades, Mike Lupica won't need 2 Cialis and a longing stare at the picture of Dick Schaap on his bedside table to get a hard on. Vilifying head coaches that leave their players in college football is better than a 3 way for those guys, AND they get steriods? Not even the BCS announcing a 100 year, $2 tril extension with ESPN, with a clause that forever forbids places for non-BCS teams and the word "playoff" to be used ever again on the network would make this show as enjoyable for those over the hill, irrelevant douchers.

So . . . how can Tennesee possibly top this drama? Lord knows they'll try, I can't wait to see. Top two choices, if I'm the UT AD? Duke Head Coach (and former UT OC) David Cutcliffe or Texas Defensive Coordinator Will Muschamp.

And 'round and 'round we go again.