Big East Week 1 Review

I don't really know what to say here. The Big East opened up it's season . . . I guess. They played some games . . . I guess. They scored some touchdowns, field goals, and even won some games . . . I guess. I'm as thrilled to write this column every week as the guy dragged onto a double-date who just found out his blind date is the girl with "stability" issues. There will be moments of pure comedy that I won't wait to share with my friends, other moments when I'm terrified, but mostly it will be filled with moments where I just want to bang my head against a brick wall.

So, what happened in Week 1 in the Big East? This . . . I guess.

1. Cincinnati is Poised for a Repeat: Monday truly was 'Nati-day on the Big East. It truly was awesome-nest day of the week for Bearcat fans. In what was the conference match up of the week, Cincinnati tore apart Rutgers on Rutgers home turf. Coach Brian Kelly has never had a quarterback return for a second season in his tenure in the 'Nati, but his year QB Tony Pike finally returned for year two at the healm. He responded with a veritable 'Nati-pult, throwing for 362 yards and 3 TD's, and gave notice to the Big East that the Bearcats appear to be the team to beat this year in the Big East. Rutgers was picked by people like Kirk Herbstreit to win the Big East, and this was not a narrow victory. No one has been that chopped up this bad in central Jersey since Ralph Cifaretto.

2. Speaking of Rutgers . . .: Heads may be about to bowl here, since that opening game was an utter 'Nati-tastrophe. They gave up almost 600 yards, were outgained 2:1, and on top of that dismal performance also lost the turnover battle 3-1. Greg Schiano had a miracle season in 2006, and it seemed that Rutgers was on the verge of taking over the Big East. They were disciplined on defense, pragmatic on offense, and were building a recruiting pipeline to Southern Florida. Well, the Kansas City Royals also made a run at the Division Crown in 2003 and Seth Rogen is sleeping with Elizabeth Banks, so I guess sometimes crazy sh-t happens once. Once.

3. Pitt Can Run the Ball: Some ass-clown at the start of the year said that Pitt would be unable to run the ball and would be forced to pass this year. Well, apparently it pissed Pitt off, as Running Back Dion Lewis carried 20 times for 128 yards and 2 TDs. Yes, it was against Youngstown State, but Pitt can only compete at the highest levels if it can rely on a solid run game to run the clock and force opponents to play their preferred type of smash-mouth football. Having a true freshmen running back emerge in a big way in week one is a great sign of things to come this year for the Panther.

SEC Week 1 Review

Is the SEC still the powerhouse that Verne Lundquist hopes it to be? Week 1 showed us a few things that may provide us with an answer by week 14.

1. Roll Tide Roll!
As a Tide fan, I was appalled by the first half of the Alabama Va Tech game. Not only because ABC somehow failed to bring their HD cameras with them to the game, but at the score as well. The stats of the game at halftime did not justify the tight score of 17-16. The end didn't justify the means, but did somewhat justify the stats. It was the sloppiest dominating game I've seen in a while. 498 O-yards to 155. Alabama's defense stepped up to the game. The secondary sealed off access to any decent gains, holding Tech to 91 passing yards and only 11 first downs. The D-Line did what they do best, stuff the run and contain an otherwise dangerously mobile QB. Positive issues: 1) McElroy looked to have a little first big game jitters, but actually performed pretty well for his first start since high school. 1 Pick, only 2 sacks, rating of 118, knew when to get rid of the ball (coughcoughPauluscough). He doesn't seem to like the pocket much though. Time will tell, he should only get better. 2) Julio Jones likes double coverage.
Negative Issues: 1) Discipline. McClain should be extremely happy he didn't get thrown off the field for his antics. I know we've all wanted to push a ref out of our way, but come on. 2) Discipline: Special Teams. The Tide's game against FIU next week will give us a clue how this discipline has improved.

2. Oh Georgia!
The whole Oklahoma State roster can change their last names to Sherman after the beating they gave the Bulldogs. Georgia is definitely missing Moreno after their running game never got off the ground and didn't even break 100 yards. This game was actually pretty fairly matched and was definitely touted to be a good solid game, which it was. Cox started out well, but couldn't find the end zone after the first quarter. The stats tell the story. The Georgia secondary couldn't stop the 2 passes for TD's that mattered after State's run game and 3 turnovers helped get them in position. Obviously Georgia's D needs some work and the offense needs to come together a bit more. Rebuilding....hope they can do it fast for Florida on Halloween.

3. The Kiffin Era Begins
Is there an announcer or analyst who didn't say that after the UT game?? I got pretty sick of hearing it. The first quarter of that game was about the worst football I've ever seen. I thought the Kiffin Era was going to be a short one, so I changed channels after the Vols stopped turning the ball over and finally scored....that and they were playing Western Kentucky. Yes, the Vols ran up the score........on Western Kentucky. It's good to see some life in the Vols on both sides of the ball. Definitely looking forward to seeing them in action against UCLA next week and Florida the week after.

4. Florida
I wonder how Jesus feels about his disciple running up the score like that? A very un-Christian act.

5. Come on!!!!
As much as we love opening weekend, couldn't there be more than just a couple games to watch? There's not as much you can tell from SEC teams beating the shit out of smaller schools. Yes, UK opened a can on Miami of Ohio....they're still going to be battling Vandy for last place.

6. The rest.
Uggghhhh, who the hell is going to beat Florida?? UT and UK racked up high scores against weak teams, LSU managed the Huskies, but that's about all you can say about it, South Carolina barely escaped NC State, Georgia has plenty of problems, and Florida State got knocked out of the top 25. Here's hoping Troy aims for the knees. Hoogs will pay someone now that Bradford's out and Colt can make a clear run for the Heisman. I'm hoping Arkansas's the sleeper. They've got one of the toughest schedules in the SEC and meet Florida after battling Georgia, Alabama, A&M, and Auburn. Thank God their bye week is week 2, they'll need rest before that. If they're still standing by week 7, they might be able to surprise them. Here's hoping.

Next Week:
Let's see how Tennessee preps for Florida against UCLA next week. Also, cheer for Mississippi State to take out Auburn. Plus, we'll see how bad off Georgia really is when the Cocks take on Cox between the hedges.

ACC Week 1 Review

So apparently I have no choice but to be the "ACC Guy" this football season. As you might have gleaned from my season preview, I have little (read: no) interest in how this conference fares on the gridiron. Regrettably, I attend an institution of higher learning in the SEC; hence most of the games I watch will fall in that dominion. But in the interest of educating myself and you, our dear readers, I will endeavor to provide a rundown of all that was in ACC football during the weekend just passed. So what did we learn?

(1) The conference (as a whole) sucks more than expected
Last year the conventional wisdom on ACC football was that it was the most competitive league, in which there were really no bad teams, with the paradoxical result that it couldn't get any respect. This year it looks like that won't be what the folks on ESPN say. The league went 4-6 in out-of-conference games this weekend. And two of those losses were against FCS powerhouses William & Mary and Richmond. State and Maryland lost to FBS schools South Carolina and Cal, respectively, but State's offense looked anemic and Maryland got absolutley PWN3D in Berkley by a margin of 39. Ouch.

(2) The Atlantic Division will be wide open
Florida State was the consensus pick to win the Atlantic, but after their thrilling defeat by the 'Canes it doesn't look like they'll run away with it. Of course, since State, Wake and Maryland also lost, it's unclear who will step up, but it's not a good sign for the 'Noles to open with a home loss, especially considering it could have been a W had the lunatic formerly known as the winningest coach in 1-A football saved A SINGLE TIMEOUT for the end of the game. Has he watched a football game in the last decade?

(3) Al Groh may not coach the remaining 11 games
Elite athletics have never been priority 1 at UVa. To their credit, they've managed to develop a strong overall Athletic Dept. while keeping the goal of being America's #1 public university foremost. Still, I don't think that Mr. Jefferson would approve of HIS university getting spanked by HIS alma mater (at home, no less!). I don't see any way that Groh makes it to next season, unless by some miracle he beats Virginia Tech. Which actually became more likely on Saturday night, because...

(4) Tyrod Taylor is not ready for the spotlight
The Virginia Tech Junior starting QB looked awful against Alabama in the Geo-Do on Saturday night. He was 9 for 20 for just 91 yards passing, but where he really suffered was on his feet. Though Taylor averaged 56 yards/game rushing in '08, the Crimson Tide confined him to negative 26. That is probably more the fault of the O-line than Taylor's, but combined with the fact that his passing game didn't develop over the off-season at all makes VPI's hopes of making the Orange Bowl much shakier.

(5) Miami will be much improved
The only conference game of the week was easily the best game. The U travelled up to Tallahassee for an early-90's throwback game, not in uniform style but rather in the sense that both teams played like they belonged among the nation's elite. The game was played on Monday night, which makes sense since all these players are payed as well as the pros. QB Jacory Harris led the 'Canes with 386 yards and 2 TDs but did suffer 2 INTs. The heroes of the game, however, had to be the defense. True, they allowed FSU to put up 34 points. But when the 'Noles had 1st-and-goal at the 2 with apx. 30 sec. to play, they put enough pressure on QB Christian Ponder to force 4 straight incompletes, sealing the win and a return (for now) to respectability.

Next Week: Clemson @ Ga. Tech. on Thursday highlights the schedule, but I'm most interested to see if Maryland will be the 3rd team to fall to a FCS powerhouse (JMU).

Big 10 Week 1 Review

So, after that thrilling ACC showdown that went down the final minutes in Tallahassee last night, we can now begin to reflect on an outstanding opening weekend in college football. Whodathunkit, but actually putting compelling match ups against winning programs from opposing conferences actually spikes interest amongst fans and the media. I'm sure this also means teams like Oklahoma, Oregon and Georgia will never do it again. Let's reflect on what we learned this week in the Midwest.

1. Ohio State Has Problems: Ohio State had a great weekend in some respects. Terrelle Pryor showed that he is a developing into a true passing quarterback, and Brian Rolle's 2 point conversion interception and return showed that the linebacker core is going to reload and not rebuild. On the other hand, while I'm not one of those people that is screaming that this means Ohio State was exposed by only beating a quality Navy team 31-27, some problems did emerge. Most importantly, Ohio State is weak in the trenches. Ohio State was outrushed 186-153, despite being distinctly larger and stronger than the Midshipmen linemen. If Ohio State is going to beat a USC team next Saturday that ran all over San Jose State, they are going to need their offensive and defensive line make a huge jump in a short amount of time.

2. Illinois got Zook-er Punched: Illinois was supposed to show that their 2007 Rose Bowl bid was not a fluke this year. Tons of returning talent and a favorable schedule. SI's Stewart Mandel said on a St. Louis radio show the Illini were his dark horse pick to win the Big 10 this year. Then Illinois went out and laid an egg in the form of a 37-9 whoopin by a Missouri team starting a freshmen quarterback. Surprised? You wouldn't be if you read my Illinois preview. Or, you know, if you ever looked at his coaching career with Florida. This season looks like a classic underachieving Zook-led team.

3. Penn State Looks Awesome: I know it was a game, at home, against a terrible Akron team. That's fine. Point is, they were supposed to be an offensively talented team with a suspect defense. Then they outgained Akron 344 to 8 in the first half while the starters were in. Read that again. 344-8! If that doesn't scare everyone in the Midwest-- and the Pac 10 Rose Bowl Bid-- then you aren't paying attention.

4. Iowa, WTF?: First, the Big 10 only gets three teams ranked to start the year. Then, Iowa needs not one, but two, 2!, blocked field goals to beat frickin' Northern Iowa? Just go ahead an shoot yourselves now, Hawkeye fans.

5. Minnesota Is In For a Long Year: I can make a lot of jokes about how they almost lost to a team that was using a washed-up point guard as their starting quarterback. I won't. Point is, Minnesota is fitting a lot of square pegs in round holes this season. They recruited a bunch of players for the spread-- small, fast receivers and RBs-- that they are now trying to fit into a pro style scheme. Result? An inefficient offense that kept trying to throw deep with receivers that were smaller than their opposing DBs. Their passing game seemed as natural as Paulus' jump shot from 3. Couldn't resist.

6. MICHIGAN!: I don't think Big 10 Commissioner was more excited about a game than the Michigan blowout of Eastern Michigan. Yes, it was an average MAC team, but Michigan showed an offensive explosiveness and defensive tenacity not see in Ann Arbor since Michigan's 11-2 2006 season. The Big 10 is more exciting and more prestigious when Michigan, Penn State and Ohio State are all at the top of their game. Tate Forcier, Denard Robinson, Brandon Graham and Junior Hemingway all show that Michigan is closer to prominence. Rose Bowl? Unlikely. But bowl-- a win next week versus Notre Dame and it will be a definitive yes.

Solid column by Jemele Hill on the Rochrod controversy

She gets it: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=hill/090904&sportCat=ncf

The beginning of the wait...

So about 6 weeks ago our fearless leader asked if I'd write a preview of the upcoming ACC season, seeing as I'm the only contributor to have grown up in the area. "Great," I thought, "it'll be interesting to think about the conference in the post-Hansborough era. I then realized he meant the football and was stumped.

Because the ACC was, is, and always will be a basketball conference. Football is just a diversion between the end of NASCAR and Midnight Madness. Ask anyone who has lived in North Carolina in the past 60 years. In my opinion the conference sold its soul when they let Miami, VT and BC (seriously, Boston College?!), and what have they gotten in return? 3 poorly-attended games set in 2 of the sh*ttiest cities in America, Jacksonville and Tampa. Not exactly hotbeds of ACC fever. But it shouldn't come as a surprise, since sports in America today are soulless and all anyone cares about is tha almighty dollar. WHATEVER. On with the preview.

Caution: The following contains little, if any, actual football knowledge

Atlantic Division

(1) Florida State
You didn't think I would actualy put up a picture of a Seminole, did you? Well then you were sadly mistaken, my friend.

The 'Noles joined the league in '92 and straight dominated for years. In fact they didn't lose to an ACC opponent until '97 I believe. However they seem to have slipped a bit over the past few years, mostly owing to the long, slow road into bewilderment that Bobby Bowden refuses to acknowledge that he is on. Seriously, has anyone listened to an interview with this guy in the last 5 years? He makes Uncle Junior look copos mentis.

But still, this is Free Shoes University and they must have recruited some decent players. Plus the O-line lost no-one to graduation (in fact it still doesn't have any seniors). That should give 2nd year QB Christian Ponder the security he needs to develop.

(2) NC State

How great are these two? I love the fact that State has a married couple as their mascots. And she's dressed like Betty Draper! Much love to Mr. and Mrs. Wuf.

Coach Tom O'Brien is in the 3rd year of his "it's not about the money" gig since fleeing the banks of the river Charles. Seasons 1 and 2 were underwhelming to say the least. The Pack opened last season across the street from my apartment against the mighty Cocks, where they were stomped on, 34-0. But the silver lining there was that freshman QB Russell Wilson was injured in the first half, before any points were actually scored. The Pack continued to stumble to a 2-6 start, but after a bye week they won their last 4 and earned a trip to Birmingham, AL, for the papajohns.com bowl (crowned "Worst Bowl Game in the World" by Deadspin!). Wilson was the first freshman QB to be named 1st team All-ACC and now expectations are high. State opens the season against the South Carolina again, this time in Raleigh, tomorrow night in fact. Will Wilson deliver on the hype? Who knows. Only one thing's for sure: They sure do have a damn ugly campus.

(3) Wake Forest

Yeah, he went there.

The Deacs were the surprise champs of the first 12-team ACC football season and were rewarded with a drubbing in the Orange Bowl. Expectations were high as a true freshman QB started that year. Now Rily Skinner is a vet and looks to go out on a strong note. Wake has made 3 consecutive bowls and was just out of the conference championship running last year. But the defense lost 7 starters to graduation and was the better unit last year. Their first really challenging game shouldn't come until October, though, so perhaps a strong start will allow the Deacs to make another run at winning the division.

(4) Clemson

I know, I know, this is an ACC preview and not a forum for USC-Clemson trash-talking. But I think the terms of my student loan actually require me putting this picture up. I may have to re-check the fine print.

Clemson is coached by Dabo Swinney, who was promoted last year after Tommy Bowden "stepped down" (read: was fired) midseason. True story: Swinney got his nickname because his older brother, when they were both toddlers, referred to him as "'Dat Boy." I wish I was making this up.

Anyway, this Clemson season will go the same as all the others: Their expectations will be way too high, people's jobs will be threatened, and everyone in Death Valley will be pissed...then they'll drive down to Columbia 2 days after Thanksgiving and beat the crap out of USC, and think they're a national power again.

(5) Maryland

Fear the Stairmaster...

The Terps were just 4-4 in the conference last year, but the crazy thing about the ACC is that the league is so deep (or devoid of good teams, your choice) that they weren't that far off the pace. Maybe if Head Coach Ralph Friedgen can put down the cupcakes and draw up some decent plays they'll contend. But I give the edge to the cupcakes.

(6) Boston College

Sadly, this guy is out of eligibility.

BC heads into the season reeling. The head coach for the past two seasons (campaigns in which the Eagles won the division both times), Jeff Jagodzinski, flirted with the New York Jets, only to be told by the AD that even interviewing with them would cost him his job at BC. Neither party blinked, and Jagodzinski left (but ended up with the Bucs, as the Jets preferred the whirling dervish that is Rex Ryan). Combine that with massive graduation losses and the Eagles are looking down the barrel of a gun to start the season. Matt Ryan isn't coming through that door, folks.

Coastal Division

Side note: How stupid are these division names? This is my favorite conference and I have no idea who is in which division. What the hell is the difference between Atlantic and Coastal? Just another reason why the expansion of '05 sucked.

(1) Virginia Tech

"Thanks to all alumni who offer service within their communities, setting an example for the thousands of new students who join our Virginia Tech family each year." - Tom Tiller '69, Virginia Tech's VP for Alumni Relations, in the latest Alumni magazine.

Looking back on the past decade of Hokie dominance, first in the Big East and now the ACC, it's easy to forget that their rise to power has as much to do with the scumbag on the left as it does with Frank Beamer. Okay, so maybe it's not so hard.

Still, you can't deny Beamer's craftiness. He was the first college coach to really make special teams a staple of the squad and it has paid dividends over the years. They have won FIFTY games in the last five years. Any guesses who else has done that? Southern Cal and Texas, that's it.

The defending Conference Champs have every reason to expect to make another trip to the Orange Bowl this season. Last year's tug-of-war for the starting QB job between Tyrod Taylor and Sean Glennon is over; Taylor is the leader by virtue of graduation. In the tradition of you-know-who, taylor rushed for an impressive 738 yards last year in addition to 1,036 in the air. Still, his completion rate was only 57% - not enough to get the Hokies to Pasadena for the BCS title game. But if he can improve his accuracy in this Junior Season, look for VPI to dominate the Conference and probably be the only ACC team to reach the top 5 all year.

(2) Georgia Tech

I don't care who you are or where you come from, you have got to love the Ramblin' Wreck.

Junior RB Jonathan Dwyer leads the Yellow Jackets. The reigning ACC Player of the Year, Dwyer put up 1,395 yards in 2008. Having Dwyer in the backfield makes GT a dangerous option threat, which is exactly how Head Coach Paul Johnson likes it. But the conventional wisdom says that the rest of the league will be on to Johnson, now that he's in his 2nd campaign. But feast your eyes on this stat: 37 of the Jackets' 40 touchdowns last year were scored by freshmen or sophomores. That's a powerful load of offense returning. Expect some big things out of Atlanta this fall.

(3) North Carolina

"Carolina is going to represent, ya heard? BOO YAH!"

Confession: I made a wager on Chapel Hill to make the top 5 in any poll in either the 2009 or 2010 seasons. The stakes? $100. Hopefully the guy has forgotten about it, but I doubt it.

Was this a smart bet? Probably not. But can somebody explain to me why UNC can't be a national power in football? They compete at the national level in every other sport. They have a beautiful stadium. And they have purported super-coach Butch Davis at the helm. So maybe I'll win my bet after all. But probably not. Because in Chapel Hill Butch will always play second fiddle to Roy.

(4) Miami

How the mighty have fallen. Earlier this decade Miami had re-established itself as THE program in college football. Now they’re struggling to be mediocre in a slightly above average conference. My theory is that they put in a metal detector. The word on the U is that with new coordinators on both sides of the ball Head Coach Randy Shannon's squad will be more up to the task than the last two years. Still, something tells me the most exciting thing to happen on Saturdays at Landshark Stadium this fall could be a spirited rendition of "Fins."

(5) Virginia

Ehhhhhhh. That about sums up the Al Groh era at Mr. Jefferson's University. Usually when a school hires an alum with NFL coaching experience on his resume, they expect greatness. With the exception of Chris Long's stellar career, it hasn't panned out that way in Groh's 8 years at the helm (has anyone seen him and Charlie Weis in the same place at the same time? Those last two sentences could apply in South Bend just as easily). The 'Hoos offense was 114th last year in PPG (16.1) - in case you were wondering, there are only 120 teams in the "Football Bowl Subdivision." So that's not good. And it doesn't look like the offense will improve much. Who's their best returning wideout? That'd be sophomore Jared Green, who had 12 catches for 144y last year. Good grief.

As a UVa fan since I was born within a quarter-mile of the Rotunda, I'd settle for a win against Virginia Tech. They were close last year, only falling by 3 in Blacksburg to a squad hell-bent on going to the BCS. But there's little to suggest that this year will be any different. The sad truth of the matter may be that it's just too hard to get 100 great football players in the school. Come to think of it, that's a nice transition to...

(6) Duke

I really don't have the energy to learn anything about this team. You know and I know that they're going to suck. If you need an interesting fact for your water cooler discussions, here's one: They hosted the Rose Bowl immediately after Pearl Harbor. So they've got that going for them. Which is nice.

Champs: Virginia Tech

Random, Useless Rankings from a Self-Declared Fool

Well, we are in the last 24 hours before the start of the college football season. While some "instant classics" for ESPN like Indiana v. Western Kentucky start at 8, the season really begins at 10:15 when #14 Boise State hosts #16 Oregon on the SmurfTurf. So, as we count down the final hours, here are a series of senseless and unneccesarily bold predictions for 2009:

Predictions for the Top 5 Going into the Bowls: At the end of the regular season, my guess is the BCS Top 5 will look like this:
1. Florida: Honestly, at this point the media is so in love with this team that, like LSU in 2007, they could lose twice and still make the title game. What's really sad? The season is just now starting and I'm already bored of making fun of Tim Tebow and the fact that he touches infant penes in his spare time.
2. Texas: Unlike Oklahoma, they return a good portion of their offensive line so they will win the Big 12 and probably run the table. Also, they wear Orange in the Red River Shoot Out, making them the "home" team. Love that home field advantage in a rivalry game.
3. Ohio State: While I absolutely, positively do not believe a Big 10 team will be in the National Title Game, I do think Ohio State will run the table in the Big 10. That means that their only real chance for a loss is the Week 2 match up with USC, but even a loss there leaves ten weeks to move back up in the ranks. Even if they run the table, however, I don't see the voters letting the Big 10 play in any title game.
4. Oklahoma: Normally, I would say losing in mid-October to Texas would knock them out of the top five. However, that match up will have so much hype and I believe will be so close at the end of the game, that the voters will not heavily punish the Sooners. The Big 12 gets two teams into the BCS again, only this time Oklahoma will be the favorite in their match up.
5. USC: Somewhere in the 2001 Federal Budget, a law was snuck in and passed that guaranteed USC must be in the Top 5 in every pre-season and end of season voter's poll. When asked why they voted these teams so high, voters are required to always answer either a) because they have a Heisman contender or b) their defense is so "fast and aggressive." It's either that or Gitmo for the press.

Top 5 Teams That Will Surprise: What teams are we going to be talking a lot at the end year that are not getting a lot of hype now?
1. Oregon: They are ranked #16 right now, but with a win tomorrow over Boise on the road and a late season home game against the Men of Troy late in the season, they can be the surprise of the Pac 10. QB Jeremiah Masoli is also a beast, and I think may remind a lot of people of Dennis Dixon with his big play ability.
2. Michigan State: I said that MSU will be a better team than most think in my Big 10 season preview, and the Big 10 gods are helping them out. Every Iowa running back is falling like property values in that state (zing! Ha, topical), which means the door is open for MSU to win 9 games and be competitive in a bowl. 10 wins will put them in the Top 15 final poll, even though they are currently unranked.
3. North Carolina: Everyone is all about Georgia Tech coming out of the ACC this year, but I think you will see a lot of good stuff coming out of Chapel Hill this fall. It is Butch Davis' third year and he has already scored one bowl bid, and he would've won, if Pat White hadn't gone all "I'm a Better QB Than Tim Tebow" on the Heels in the second half. The Heels will play in January, and might even be in the Orange Bowl.
4. Nevada: Everyone is all about Boise State to be the "BCS Buster." Which, by the way, if Boise State makes the BCS, that will be four consecutive "busters" and five in six years. Can we finally retire this overused phrase then? Anyway, Nevada runs the pistol formation as well as anyone in the country and with a win over Notre Dame on Saturday and Boise State later in the season, they could win the WAC and push for the BCS.

The Overrated: What teams are not going to live up to their high expectations?
1. Ole Miss: This one time in college, my friend Andy did a ton of mushrooms and stared at a computer screen for four hours straight because he thought the colors were coming alive. He was really high. This is how most of America is on Ole Miss right now: high and hallucinating. Yes Jevon Snead is awesome, but remember Houston Nutt is their coach. Houston . . . Nutt. 0 career BCS appearances. Not going to start now.
2. Notre Dame: This one is their own fault. Well, them and Lou Holtz. Who said it was BCS or bust for the Irish this season? This team will be better, but will not win 10 regular season games. 8 and a bowl win, maybe 9 regular season, but ND will NOT be in the BCS this year. Worse for Notre Dame fans, they will be just good enough that the world's fattest internship will continue into 2010.
3. USC: How about this for a bold prediction? USC will lose twice and may, just may, miss out on the BCS entirely. Taking a true freshmen into the Horseshoe in Week 2 will not do well, and no matter how good your defense is Terrelle Pryor will score. On top of that, I think they will lose to Oregon on the road which could give the Ducks the Pac 10 title. How about that for disappointment, Prophylactics?

Top 5 Coaches: Who are the best in the sport going into this season?
1. Urban Meyer: 2 titles, 3 years, 1 giant douchebag. I hate the guy, but still, respect.
2. Pete Carroll: While his attempts to still look like a surfer are approaching pathetic, the man still recruits as well as anyone and the Pac 10 title may as well be titled over to him. Still waiting on his hit song, "Tedford, tell me how my ass taste" to drop.
3. Nick Saban: Did Alabama really go from crap to BCS in two years? My god. My only hope is that his star and Meyer's meet in the SEC Title game so often, they eventually Supernova and just destroy the entire SEC.
4. Bob Stoops: Would be higher if he won in the title game last year or or really any BCS game recently, but the man still has played in 3 Title games this decade.
5. Mack Brown: It's close between him and Stoops, and I know he has done well head to head lately, but Stoops has more BCS appearances total. Close, but sorry Horns.

Heisman Predictions:
1. Sam Bradford, Oklahoma: Archie Griffin's handshake in NYC with Sam Bradford will be even more tense and awkward than Dan Marino's with Peyton Manning after Super Bowl XLI.
2. Tim Tebow, Florida: I'm sure that even in defeat, he will be a leader and graciously help Bradford up the stairs to the podium. He later promises no one will work harder to get a 5th year of eligibility and avoid NFL failure than him.
3. Javid Best, Cal: Adorable that they invited a running back, but things get awkward when Lee Corso insists on calling him "Reggie Bush" throughout the evening.
487. Colt McCoy, Texas: The season looked so promising for this young QB. But after a devastating knee injury against Louisiana-Monroe, and an embarrassing series of scandals involving high stakes gambling on WNBA games hit the internet, the quarterback is forced out of the university entirely. Sorry, Hoogs.