I Think We Just Blue Ourselves

As you saw from my previous post, I was beyond excited for the start of football season. I saw great live football, was catching up on season previews, and was even momentarily reflective on past experiences.

Then, I woke up to this.

I hate this damn game.

I really have way too many thoughts that are simultaneously conflicting and supporting to come up with any sort of coherent, flowing post. So, I will resort to bullet points instead. Judge me if you must, but it's all I'm capable of pulling off as of now.

1. Are you kidding me, RichRod?! Actually, no. My simultaneous disbelief and anger justify multiple interrobangs on this one. So here we go: ?!?!?!. (Yep, those are called interrobangs. I read good.) Back to my anger. Come on, Rodriguez! I don't know whether these are true or not, but for once I'd like to see Michigan football on the front page of ESPN for a reason other than "Massive scandal," "Embarrassing loss," or "Worse season ever." Just once, Coach. Just once.

2. How is this news? The folks at Mgoblog have gone into great detail tearing the article in question apart, so I will only provide you with my major problem with the article. Basically, the author of the article accuses Michigan of grossly violating the NCAA mandated time limits without actually describing what activities violated the rules. You say Michigan players were busy from 10-10 on Sundays. That's great, but how much of it were actual team activities? Not everything players do counts towards the NCAA time limits, so exactly what did they do each day that broke the rules? If you don't list them, and explain how each of these hours were in violation, you are not accurately reporting the facts. In its current format, all the author does is make clear that he reached a conclusion and then made sure the evidence fit the conclusion he wanted it to. Get the Pulitzer ready.

3. Again?! This has now happened to me twice in the last two years. In 2006, I started up grad school at one of the most storied and successful basketball programs in the country. A program that prided itself not just on winning, but winning the right way: they had never even been accused of a NCAA violation. They brought in a new coach who people assumed would be a great recruiter, game manager, and restore the program to glory. That coach was Kelvin Sampson, and the school was Indiana. Indiana fired Sampson a year later, suffered crippling sanctions, and is now struggling to build a 2010 recruiting class after the worse season in school history.

Fast forward two years, and you have almost the exact same situation at Michigan. You bring in a new, controversial coach that split the alums, suffer through a struggling season, and now make the school a laughing stock in the national media and punchline for asshole fans and bloggers everywhere. If this ends in sanctions and Michigan has to become college football's Alabama for this decade, I may burn the entire state of West Virginia to the ground.

4. Why is this a big deal? Andy Staples recently reflected on the slap on the wrist Alabama received for its textbook fiasco, and he pointed out that there is probably too much money on the table for the NCAA to really punish a program as prominent and profitable as Alabama-- or Michigan. The NCAA still hasn't done anything about that whole "Reggie Bush and Matt Leinhart Were All Paid By and Illegally Recruited For USC" thing, so the odds of Michigan getting punished are pretty small. Lost hour or so of practice time in the spring, maybe a fine, maybe a scholarship for one year if things get really out of hand. In the end, we are most likely making a huge deal out of nothing that really only accomplishes embarassing Michigan's players, coaches, students, alumni and fans.

5. Since Bo Schembechler died the day before the 2006 Ohio State game, Michigan has: lost to Ohio State twice, lost in the Rose Bowl, had the worst season in school history, and now faced an NCAA inquiry. Bo's death may turn out to be more tragic than the Day the Music Died (too soon, Big Bopper fans?).

In the end, after a day like today, I feel like I have already been to visit on Dr. Tobias Funke, and his unique practice that combines his skills as an analyst and a therapist.

Wake me when it's over . . .

It's Almost Here . . . !

I love football. I know that I love it, and I know many may call it an unnatural love, but as August ends each year I still surprise myself with just how giddy I get. Take this weekend, for instance. I went a high school football game on Friday night, got up and watched the ESPN Gameday preview Saturday morning, and spent most of my Sunday afternoon watching classic Clemson games from the Woody Dantzler era on Turner Sports Network (only in Atlanta would "classic" and "Clemson" be used in the same sentence without a twinge of irony).

So, as we are now about to get into the season, I just want to share why I love Saturdays in the fall.

1. College Gameday: I know I just mentioned it, but I love this show. The dynamic that Chris Fowler, Lee Corso, and Kirk Herbstreit has is fantastic and their insights are also always spot on. They are also one of the few football groups that does not fall in love with a single conference, most notably the SEC, so they always provide a balanced look at the sport each week. Hangovers couldn't keep me away from this show when I was in college, so you know it is a big deal.

2. Tailgates: There is simply nothing better than firing up the grill, throwing some brats and burgers on, and cracking open at beer at 10:30 am, and lounging in the sun before a game. Tailgating is so pure, it really doesn't matter where you go to school. I have seen great tailgates at a basketball school (Indiana) and a school not necessarily known for having fun (Georgia Tech: where fun goes to die), so it really is an awesome tradition no matter where you are.

3. Student Sections: I am no longer a student, but I can still pass for a borderline-creepy grad student that allows me the ability to blend in around students, and there is nothing more fun for me than sitting in the student section of a game. You have people that are trashed, loud, and often profane. You get the usual cheers like "Bullshit" after a bad call, but also the truly unique like "Beat your defender like he's your girlfriend!" The alcohol also makes it tough to remember what's going on in a game, so student sections develop great traditions so they can function on muscle memory even while blacked out. Dangling keys, chants, elaborate arm movements, or going nuts after a touchdown with a group of 20,000 of your closest friends truly separates college football from any other sport.

4. Striking Up the Band: I do not get marching bands at all and actually think their uniforms are absolutely ridiculous and indefensible, but having a band at a football game always makes the experience more unique and enjoyable. There is nothing quite like sitting in a stadium, hearing the band start the fight song after a touchdown, and singing at the top of your lungs with 100,000 other people. But no marching. God help you if there's marching.

5. Apparel: I don't what it is about colleges, but they always come up with the best stuff for students, alums and fans to wear. I look forward to putting on my shirts and hats, depending on the weather and what clothes have become "lucky" this season. One of the great parts about living in Atlanta is that it is a big city that still thinks it's a college town. People in their early to mid 20s move to the city every year from all around the country, and when you walk around the city on fall Saturday's you will see shirts from almost every school in the country. You always feel an instant connection with anyone wearing the same shirt as you and it causes more random conversations with complete strangers than anything other than a quest for a 1 night stand.

What about you? What do you look forward to and love about college football?

Review, Harvard Beats Yale 29-29:

To those of you who haven't seen it, do so at your earliest convenience.

This trip takes is back to 1968 when Ivy League Football still held national significance. It tells about a little known (at least not to non-Ivy alumni) match-up between Harvard and Yale while both undefeated.

The Eli's were the hands-down favorite going into the game and looked to shock no-one until a complete collapse in the final 4 minutes of the final quarter lead to one of the greatest comebacks in sports history.

The film is a series of interviews of all players involved. They are all essentially "nobodys" as far as sports documentaries go. After football most obviously went the way of most Ivy League grads: law, business, Wall Street.

The background of the times and the stories of the players add to the fascinating story. 1968 wasn't the greatest of years in US History. It saw the assassinations of MLK and RFK, the siege of Chicago during the Democratic Convention, the Tet Offensive, all events which helped tear our country in two. It is great how the players explained that they were all different, held different political beliefs, but all came together as a team, as well as how all the left-wingers and Wall Street Types in the stands would come together each Saturday when football took over. One of Harvard's players had even just returned from a tour in Vietnam and was involved in the siege of Que Sanh.

Several of the players discuss their relationships with George Bush and Tommy Lee Jones (who played for Harvard) tells an anecdote of living with Al Gore that is priceless. My favorite though is the Yale Linebacker who is obviously a sucessful businessman, but is amazing to watch as he coldly and ruthlessly describes how he was trying to take the Harvard playmakers out of the game with ankle and knee blows, as if he was describing how he creates a spreadsheet.

So, Netflix, Blockbuster, whatever...just do it.

I won't go into too much detail, because I want you all to see it.

Big 10 Season Preview

Welcome to another great year of football in the heartland! We are here to talk about one of the country's most legendary and talked about conferences. Before we being, however, a brief explanation. I open with a picture of Donna Martin from 90210, because she encapsulates the Big 10. At the start of the 2009 Bowl Season, I wrote about how she was like the Big 10 in that while the Big 10 wasn’t the best conference in the nation, it still was pretty good. This time, I am going to amend my thesis. For fans like me, we are going to spend this season feeling a lot like David Silver.




The popular kids (SEC and Big 12) are having raging parties that we don’t get invited to, other guys (any freshman USC recruits) are dating sluttier girls that put out almost immediately. But people like me, who truly love Big 10 football, we are stuck in a long term relationship with Donna. Donna, the girl who no one would mistake for Kelly Taylor (and definitely, definitely not Valerie Malone). Donna, the girl who is saving herself for marriage while everyone else could . . . go . . . all . . . the . . . way.

So, it’s going to be a frustrating year for the Big 10. The teams are overall down, and dear lord we hope that there will be no further BCS embarrassments. Good news is, that like David, we have found someone who will ultimately make us happy. Likewise. the Big 10 is finally in position for long-term success. They have five good coaches, have expanded recruiting beyond the Great Lakes region, and are now starting to schedule the same number of 1-AA cupcakes as the SEC and Big 12 to ensure bowl eligibility.

So, here are my predictions for the final Big 10 standings:

1. Ohio State: Ohio State lost a lot from last season’s team, but they still bring back the most talent at the most important positions. Their offensive line should be much better than last year with the addition of Michigan-transfer Justin Boren (aka Judas) opening holes for the run game. They return their entire two-deep on the defensive line and are always deep at linebacker (watch for the battle between senior Austin Spitler and freshmen Etienne Sabino for the MLB spot), and have two good returning running backs in Brandon Saine and Dan Herron. Most importantly, they bring back 2010 Heisman favorite Terrelle Pryor at QB.

The big test for Ohio State nationally will be Sept 12 when they host the Trojans, a game the entire conference desperately needs Ohio State to win for street cred, since right now the Big 10 is the anti-Marlo Stanfield. If all the Big 10 has its name, then it’s screwed. The next tough test will be on the road at Penn State, a game that will ultimately decide who gets the conference’s Rose Bowl bid. Tressell gets another Big 10 title this year, but next year will be interesting.

2. Penn State: Penn State also returns a lot, particularly stud QB Daryll Clark and RB Evan Royster. They have also returned to the glory days of “Linebacker U,” with stud Navarro Brown returning this year and teaming up with a now healthy Sean Lee. The only reason Penn State will not repeat as Big 10 champ is that they lack strength along the offensive line. They lost 3 all conference selections from the previous year, and you cannot win in the cold Big 10 without a strong offensive line.

Penn State decided to only schedule high school teams as their non-conference opponents, so their season hinges on whether or not they can run the table in conference. Their home game against Ohio State will obviously get the most national attention, but they should be careful not to look past Michigan on October 24. They haven’t won in the Big House since the late 90s, and if they don’t pull it off again this year, the Nittany Lions will be Capital Bowl-bound.

3. Michigan State: Most people are sleeping on how good Michigan State is going to be this year. Most of the attention in the media has focused on how MSU lost workhorse RB Javon Ringer, but they have overlooked what coach Mark Dantonio has built in East Lansing. Dantonio is Jim Tressell’s identical twin, and he wants MSU to mimic Ohio State. That means they will be loaded with talented running backs and a lot of big uglies on the O Line and the defensive front 7. It may not look great in photos, and it may not look great in bowl games, but he did win 9 games a year ago for a reason. Look for a similar output from the Spartans in ‘09.

What will be interesting will be to see is whether or not MSU can get over the hump and win a game against the big guys on their schedule. Can they beat a newly re-loaded Michigan and Notre Dame? Can they hold home field against Penn State? Will they slip up against someone like Illinois? I don’t think these will happen, which is why they are sticking here in the 3 spot.

4. Iowa: Iowa is looking to build off it’s crushing 31-10 Outback Bowl victory over South Carolina, and possibly make its first run at the Big 10 title since 2004. They lose Shonn Greene, so they will have to be a more pass-oriented team under Jr. QB Jim Stanzi. They also return all 3 starters at linebacker, which should be huge for the defense. It’s a big year for Coach Kirk Firentz. After four years of mediocrity, he needs to show that he’s ready to take Iowa to the top of the conference again.

On September 19, on national TV, Iowa will have the chance to show just how good they are when they play Arizona. If they win this game, the can ride the momentum through conference play. If they lose, the wheels could fall of early. They play at Penn State, at Wisconsin, at Michigan State and at Ohio State, however, so it looks like an 8 win season for the Hawkeyes with an Alamo Bowl bid.

5. Michigan: Coming off what was without a doubt the worst season in school history, Michigan will start its bounce back to the top of the conference in 2009. At Coach Rich Rodriguez’s last three stops—Clemson, Tulane, and West Virginia—the second year witnessed a jump to either 8 or 9 wins. While I’m not sure that will happen in the Big 10, the addition of freshman Tate Forcier, a healthy RB Brandon Minro, and an experienced O line that returns all five starters, will transform the Michigan offense by building a dominant run game.

Michigan’s season hinges on how they play at home. Their second game of the year is at home against Notre Dame, they host Penn State a month later, and they close at home against Ohio State. If Michigan is ready to contend again, they need to win at least one of these three games. I think they will get one, and will pull off 7 wins and a bowl berth.

6. Illinois: On paper, Illinois should be a great team in 2009. Their passing offense should be awesome, as QB Juice Williams is entering his fourth year as a starter and has two stud WR to feed the ball to in Arrelious Benn and Jarred Fayson. The only problem? First, up until this point, the “forward pass” has pretty much mystified Juice (even if he got his completion percentage up to 58% last year, that’s still weak for a college player). The other major problem? Their coach is still f-cking Ron Zook. That means they will be unquestionably the most talented 7-5 team in the country.

Illinois is another team that has a must win game for the good of the conference: their season opener with Missouri. If Illinois can beat a Big 12 team, then they have street cred. If not? Well, honestly, does anyone really think Ron Zook will win this? Look at the rest of their schedule. Tell me which game you don’t think, “I could see Ron Zook blowing this one.” Michigan? Minnesota? Northwestern? Purdue? Admit it, you don’t trust his teams in any of these. There is a reason for that. This team will have one great win, but will also drop 2-3 games against embarrassingly weak opponents.

7. Northwestern: This team is really, really hard to predict. Pat Fitzgerald is a great coach. He runs an awesome offense and takes teams with weaker talent and convinces them that they can compete with anybody, like he did in the Alamo Bowl last year when the Wildcats took heavily favored Missouri to OT. But can they really do it in back-to-back years? Pat Fitzgerald had two bad losing seasons before 2008, are they really good to win again, with the added pressure of increased expectations?

The answer is probably not, but luckily their non-conference schedule is highlighted by a game at Syracuse, so they should be OK for bowl eligibility. They also avoid Ohio State and Michigan, which should help them. Overall, they should be solid but not great this year. 6-6 or maybe 7-5.

8. Minnesota: Well, it’s time to find out whether or not coach Tim Brewster belongs on Entourage. Up to this point, he has acted the part of Ari Gold: inexplicably positive, endlessly selling anyone who will listen to the positives they see in a failing client, and I think incredibly homophobic. Start that rumor. Tell everyone. The Golden Gophers return 10 players on offense including QB Adam Weber, which is good. The bad news is that they return 8 players from an awful defense. You need a good defense to be successful, and I’m not sure offensive coach/life coach Brewster has the gumption to turn that around this fast.

The big news on their schedule is that for the first time in years, the Gophers will not play Michigan for the Little Brown Jug. On the plus side, they added South Dakota State, so, you know, at least they aren’t p---ies. They play at Ohio State, at Penn State, at Iowa and at Northwestern. They could easily loose all of these games. Minnesota is still another year away.

9. Wisconsin: Before I start, can I remind you that if it weren’t for a shanked extra point, Wisconsin would have lost to Cal Poly last year. Cal Poly. Not a typo. Not a misprint. No, you aren’t drunk. No, you aren’t hallucinating. Cal Poly.

This year’s team is worse. Take a minute to process that. They return only 11 starters, including nothing on offense other than a crappy quarterback. Wisconsin is effed in the eh, and Sportscenter is ecstatic to welcome Brett Bielema to the Budweiser Hot Seat.




10. Indiana: As an alum, let’s be frank: Indiana will suck this year. Now that that is over, here is a preview for Indiana, courtesy of Midwestern Sports Fans:

“For the first time in a while, news regarding Indiana basketball is starting to become consistently positive. Crean and Crimson indeed.

According to the Indianapolis Star, Indiana and Tom Crean recently received a verbal commitment from Christian Watford, a 6-8 small forward out of Birmingham, Alabama. Watford is ranked anywhere from No.12 to No.34 by various recruiting services. According to recruiting analyst Bob Gibbons, the commitment of Christian Watford moves Indiana into a tie for the top 2009 recruiting with North Carolina.

All I have to say is…hell yes!”

Yep, that’s a basketball preview. Trust me, it’s all the Hoosiers got.

11. Purdue: Purdue will be worse than Indiana. They were terrible last year under Joe Tiller and his spread offense, and now they have a new coach, a new offensive system, and a new QB to work out. Don’t even both looking at their schedule, just trust me on this one: there is a better than 50% chance that they go winless in conference play this year. Hope abounds in West Lafayette, but it won’t hit until 2011.

Big East Season Preview

Bumper to bumper traffic. Insufferable assholes from elite, private high schools and colleges that wear aviators at night. The word “f-ck” being used in the same sentence as a verb, noun, adjective, interjection, gerund and participle—simultaneously—in front of a pre-school. Ahh yes, it is another glorious fall along the Eastern seaboard.

Since, according to ABC’s current television contract, there are still six BCS conferences, we here at the Office Tailgate are obligated to provide some sort of preview for the Big East. I have to say, this really is taking the tradition of “BCS Predictions” a little too far. I feel like the member of the Academy Award selection committee that had to watch “Blue Crush” seven times just to be sure that it didn’t deserve a nomination for best cinematography, editing, or blatantly misleading males to think it might include girl-on-girl action to gain maximum Netflix rentals (In the Big East, the only girl-on-girl action are the O Line of Syracuse vs. Louisville's D Line). Just like Blue Crush, you technically never know when a gem is going to come out of the Big East. Realistically, the Big East has as much a chance at the National Title Game as Kate Bosworth has at Best Actress. Blue Crush even featured more relevant NFL quarterbacks than the entire Big East conference, but Bill Stewart and Greg Schiano do match Blue Crush’s awkward, homoerotic stares on the sidelines on this year's Big East Football Poster.

Thankfully, this conference only has 8 football playing schools to preview:

Cincinnati: Coming off an 11-3 record and their first major bowl since Kenyon Martin and his 8 foot bong named “The Huggie Bear” left campus (along with the Huggie Bear and his proclivity for, as the kids say, “ridin dirty”), Cincy is an early favorite in the Big East. Brian Kelly emerged as one of the hottest young coaches in the country by making the Orange Bowl while going through 4 different quarterbacks last year. I find it funny they consider him a "hot" coaching prospect, considering he couldn’t dream of placing in any bathing suit contest unless it was for best FUPA east of South Bend.


Their non-conference schedule is surprisingly brutal this year, including Oregon State, Fresno State, and Illinois, which ensures that they most likely will not factor into the national title picture (shock). They also open the season against Rutgers, which will be a tough game for both teams coming out of the gate. If QB Tony Pike can stay healthy, the offense should put enough points on the board to make another run at the title this year.




Connecticut: UConn has had a remarkable run the past couple of years. They only moved into D-1A in 2002, but had a 9 win season in 2007 and an International Bowl victory last season. What have they done with that money? Don’t ask their coaching staff. What advice do they have for other developing programs? Don't ask their coaching staff.

Their schedule is particularly brutal this year. They host North Carolina and travel to Baylor and Notre Dame, none of which will be easy this year. Their conference schedule includes at Pittsburgh, West Virginia and Cincinnati, which in this conference is actually considered really tough. Unfortunately, not even the doughnut of a bowl game might be enough to motivate Tyler “Little Fatback” Lorenzon and the rest of the UConn offense enough to be competitive without Donald Brown running the ball on 80% of their plays. Looks like another 6-6 year and crappy bowl game. Do you like that Jim? Don't ask their coaching staff.



Louisville: Get excited for another awesome year of Cardinal football! Coach Bobby Petrino is excited that offensive stars Brian Brohm and Michael Bush return as the team shoots for their first BCS bowl in school history. With these three leaders at the helm, the skies the limit for this year’s Louisville team. EDITOR'S NOTE: The Louisville football team was apparently canceled in 2007. We apologize for the error and any misplaced enthusiasm it instilled in their alumni base. You may now return to staring at pictures of Rick Pitino doing his best Tom Wolffe impression.






Pittsburgh: Thank god for the Pittsburgh Panthers, they are the Boston Bruins of the 412 area code. After watching another goddamn Pittsburgh Steeler’s Super Bowl Trophy and learning that ESPN only thinks rape is news when a black athlete does it, and then an inspiring Pittsburgh Penguins Stanley Cup championship, it’s good to know the Panthers are here to keep the city’s ego in check. I do admire coach Dave Wannstedt, however, because of his dedication to his now legendary mustache. Like his natural French tickler, Wannstedt’s teams are always mostly solid, but have inexplicable holes in places that prevent them from ever gaining any credibility on a large stage.

This year’s Pittsburgh team, try to stay with me now, will feature an unproven offense that will rely on the front seven of their defense to keep them in games. QB Bill Stull returns, which should bode well for the passing game, but their leading retuning receiver only had 34 yards last year. Oh yeah, feel the excitement of Panther football spread throughout the country! What is unbelievable, however, is that their schedule is so favorable that this is actually enough to compete for the Big East title. Pitt ends the last two weeks of the season playing at West Virginia and hosting Cincinnati. Plan on those two games deciding who gets that bid to whatever BCS bowl has last pick this year.



Rutgers: Timing is everything in life. Two years ago, Greg Schiano was considered one of the best coaches in the nation. He was linked to the Miami opening in 2007, murmurs of taking over Penn State if Joe Pa retired in 2007, and was offered the Michigan job in 2008. He spurned them all. Now look at him: he’s stuck in central Jersey like a character on the Sopranos without an FBI connection. Schiano is now considered simply one of the best coaches in Rutger’s history. Way to aim for the middle, big guy. Your visions of mediocrity inspire us all.

The schedule shapes up favorably for the Red Knights in 2009. They host Cincy, Pitt, USF and WVU, and also evenly space those games out throughout the season. The team will rely on the run game offensively, since they return their two leading rushers in Kordell Young and Jourdan Brooks (chances someone foolishly refers to them as “Thunder and Lightning” this year with some shit-eating grin on their face as if this is a unique nickname: 100%), but must replace their leading receiver and 3 year starting QB Mike “I cry like a” Teel. If Schiano gets his defense in line and Young and Brooks prove they are 1,000 yard rushers this season, Rutgers can turn it back around this year. But remember, at the end of the day they will still just be Rutgers.



South Florida: Give credit where credit is due: Coach Jim Leavitt has balls that only Stephen Colbert can rival. In a year where the BCS is under fire for collusion, fans are complaining about a lack of meaningful non-conference games, and the media questions whether or not the Big East deserves its auto-bid in the BCS, USF has decided to single-handedly save college football with their schedule. That’s right, they decided to open their schedule with not 1, not 2, but 3, 3! games against 1-AA opponents (suck it, Axl, still no FCS on this blog). Wofford, Western Kentucky and Charleston Southern—sports hasn’t seen a murderers row like that since the 1927 Yankees or the Sandlot kids and their hotshot clean up hitter, Bennie “The Jet” Rodriguez. Way to play for national credibility, USF.

Am I really expected to continue to analyze this team? Fine. Their key stretch this year are games 4-8, where they play at Florida State, at Syracuse, host Cincinatti, at Pittsburgh, and host West Virginia. They could easily slide from 3-0 to 4-4 during that stretch, and if they don’t win at least one of those conference road games they have no chance at the conference title. For a team that is 3-7 on the road in conference since 2006, that seems highly unlikely. Plus side: I’m sure they will still lead the nation in kickers injured while supervising rides at f-cking Busch Gardens.


Syracuse: In an effort to improve from last year’s unmitigated disaster that led the creation of a team so bad that they could only barely beat Notre Dame, Syracuse has implemented the following changes: it replaced Greg Robinson as head coach with Doug Marrone; it agreed to let Greg Paulus see if slapping the Carrier Dome turf like Coach K Court can make him play mediocre defense and lose his starting job to a freshmen in football as well as basketball; and announcing it is going to somehow implement Coach Boeheim’s 2-3 zone on both offense and defense.

Also, it is going to field a men’s team this year.

None of these are expected to make a bit of f-cking difference.


West Virginia: I went to school right across the street from Coach Bill Stewart’s last head coaching job. At that job, he was fired after telling a black player who tended to show boat, “Don’t let your actions give people a reason to call you a n----r.” This is good for the long term health of the WVU program. They have a coach who doesn’t hate black people, he just hates black people that don’t act white. Big difference. I’m sure that will really help you recruiting for the spread, particularly what SEC commentators call “athletic” QBs. At least he won’t have the same problems that Washington had last year with their showboating QB.

What’s amazing? This is actually the team and coach to beat in the Big East this year. They return 15 starters, more than any other team in the conference. They have the most dynamic running back in the conference with Noel Devine (who’s high school highlight video has approached “Star Wars Kid” territory on youtube), and QB Jarrett Brown is a 5th year senior who gained valuable experience last year filling in for an injured Pat White. Stewart also has led his team to two really impressive bowl wins, stunning Oklahoma two years ago and leading a huge second half comeback against North Carolina last year. They will hold of Cincinnati to win the conference and make the BCS, and like the proverbial tree that falls in the woods, no one will hear it happen.

Final Prediction: Get excited, March Madness is at the end of October.

SEC Overview

The South:

Palm trees, cotton fields, a toothless albeit well-armed population, lots of Jesus. We've all heard the stereotypes, but what is the South really? I'll give you the palm trees and the cotton fields........and the guns (myself included). The region has become the saviour of the American Auto Industry (or at least foreign cars built by Americans), the bastion of obesity, and the poster region of College Football. Many outside the south love to badmouth the SEC, but you must admit, we do deliver season in and out. The solid, well-funded and (for the most part) well-coached teams coupled with the intense intra-conference rivalries among the teams always produce great games, high attrition, and usually ensure that the top SEC contender for the national title has at least one loss, as it should be.

What will the SEC deliver this year? A lot of the usual. New Blood (a fresh Alabama QB with a veteran Offense to help him and a solid D to back him up). Old Blood (that Florida QB who scares secondaries and foreskins alike). New coach dynamics (who's coaching Auburn these days? Chjhhiuizzckkk? ). Plus a much more even field. All the teams across the NCAA are increasing in talent, evening the playing field, providing more exciting TV and pissing off Tony Kornheiser. That being said, the SEC isn't exactly what it was over the past several seasons, but it's always a force to be reckoned with. All in all though we'll have great fooball to watch and surely some humor to go along with it. How can you not with Vern Lundquist at the helm of the spotlight SEC games. I definitely know that I can't wait for the season to start.

SEC EAST

Florida (1)

Unfortunately being a slave to proceeding alphabetically forces me to place Florida with the number one spot on the list. So, have you heard about this quarterback at Florida named Tim something or other? I understand all SEC coaches are now considering the circumcision as the ulitmate dexterity training tool to provide their quarterbacks just that extra bit of finesse and twirl to their spiral grips. The latest rage: in a recent interview Tebow announced that he's saving little Tebow for marriage. Isn't that nice? Amazing quarterback, amazing athelete, humanitarian, virgin, accomplished moyel. Stay tuned for the passing of the Holy Kidney Stone. The end of the road for him will probably be either the Presidency or the release on youtube of a video of him uncontrollably filling a hot tub with loose stool, a la season 5 of Nip/Tuck.

But I digress. Florida was ranked as the pre-season #1 by everyone except Steve Spurrier, but that's just because he had his Athletic Director vote for him. What does this mean? Barring an asteroid collision or Obama suspending college football until Congress passes his healthcare bill you can probably hold your surprise if you see the Gators in the Georgia Dome at the end of the season and most likely with a chance to defend their national title. Their offense speaks for themselves and they have a 2-deep corp of veterans returning on D. Their season is a joke, opening with the Pay-Per-View destined one-two punch of Charleston Southern and Troy (at least we don't have to watch them play until Sept. 19 when they take on Tennessee). Unless we have a surprise upset like my favorite Ole Miss game ever last year, don't expect Tebow to be crying in any more sideline clips or press conferences, Georgia and Florida State offer up the only real statistical competition this season.

Georgia (16)

Should Stafford have gone to the Lions? Who knows, at least we have a Georgia QB with a last name that no one could possibly ever make a joke about............Cox. Georgia's got a must-see opener against Oklahoma State which will help most of America decide if Cox's limited playing time last year helped at all and will set the pace for the rest of the season. Mark Richt has announced that he'll be giving a lot of his freshmen playing time. We'll eventually find out if this speaks from confidence or desperation. Their front line's a little uncertain, but they've got a good D Line and watch sophomore running back Caleb King to be the workhorse of the O.

Their season's a lot tougher than Florida's, so attrition could potentially take a toll on the Bulldogs this season. It'll definitely be interesting for those of you who are excited to see lots of Cox between the hedges.

Kentucky

I just finished my first year of living in Louisville and it's been entertaining to say the least. First of all UK and LVille fans hate each other, but a respectable hate. Nothing like Alabama - Auburn where civil arguments can end up looking like the first half hour of Saving Private Ryan. The most amusing aspect though is all the talk that takes place the first two weeks of the season, when talk is then promptly shifted to basketball (the big football news around here is that UK and Western Kentucky Univ just signed a 4 year series deal.............need I say more) Interestingly, I see a lot more NFL fans than NCAA football fans around here, which is the exact opposite to my former haunts in Tennessee.

The Cats have a brutal schedule. Games 2 - 6 are LVille, Florida, Alabama, S. Car, and Auburn and they wrap the season playing Georgia and Tennessee. (No Western Kentucky this year, Eastern Kentucky Nov. 7, mark your calendars). They will field 11 men on both Offense and Defense.








South Carolina

Oh Spurrier, how could you leave something as important as selecting the All-SEC team to your AD? How dare you prevent Tebow from getting his unanimous election!! You're lucky that visor already covers your circumcision scar.

The Cocks..everyone's favorite mascot, ended with disapponting loss to Iowa in the Outback Bowl last season. Is there hope for Spurrier this season now that the bad odor of Chris Smelley is gone? He's sending in his sophomore Garcia who did a great job sending in signals last year. Even though "stop when police say stop" isn't in his playbook, there are a lot of eyes turning to him in the hopes he can make USC a contender in the east. A packed schedule and a still shakey offense will help decide. Oh yeah, he'll also need to stay sober and out of jail.I think this season will help improve things for the Gamecocks, but there will most likely be lots of head-set throwings by the visored one.

Tennessee

UT has one of the bigger storylines this off-season. Can Lane Kiffin turn things around after the Fulmer Dynasty has come to an end? He's off to a great stop with several near-misses involving SEC rules and recruiting violations. Nevertheless, they did end up recruiting this year's top-rated prospect and the buzz is working its way around Knoxville with hope that "Rocky Top" will mean something again.

High expectations are obvious as UT went bowlless last season for only the second time since 1990. Their opening SEC matchup comes with Florida. It'll be interesting, Kiffin's definitely the pledge in the SEC coachs' fraternity so he'll need a big win to get any props. They've got a balanced, but tough schedule, so it's going to be up to the veterans to step up. UT is still deep within its recruiting, so it seems that the focus is more on the future rather than this season. You can always feel safe in the hands of a Raiders coach.

Vanderbilt

Their first bowl visit since 1982, the year of my birth, and a win over a Flutie-less Boston College. How about that? They'd be on their way to a conference championship if they weren't still Vandy. Historically the other bitch of the East next to Kentucky, Vandy was aided last year by a falling Vols program.

"It (respect) comes with that. You know, if we continue to get better, I think people will know that we're just not an automatic win any more and we can be considered a contender for a championship if we continue to improve." How can such stirring words from your coach not make you feel confident in your abilities as a football player?

"We expect to compete for championships. To tell you the truth, we weren't really that far from it last year. We were third in the East, fifth overall. We think that's great progress for us."


SEC WEST

Alabama (4)

Roll Tide! Ok, now that I've said that relax. I'm a Crimson Tide fan, but i'm not one of the fanatics who thinks that the spirit of Bear Bryant guides the hands of all our players and coaches and that we're destined for the national championship every season, but I still love to see my team do well. Did you know that Alabama has 12 National Championships (half came from Bear Bryant). He would have 7 if not for that ugly scene involving the governor and federal troops.

An undefeated regular season left high expectations for Saban this season. Expectations left even higher after losses to Florida in the SEC Championship and Utah in the Sugar Bowl. The Offense will miss John Parker Wilson, who left with just about every QB record available, but it was time for some new blood in the QB slot anyway. The big question is whether junior Greg McElroy is the man for the job. Die Hard fans will tell you that he had a great showing in the A-Day Game this past spring, but that doesn't mean anything until he dresses against a contending team that is not the 2008 Auburn Tigers (War Eagle!). McElroy will get help from his phenom receiver Julio Jones and from his veteran line, but does the veteran factor count without Andre Smith?

Be sure to catch the season opener against Virginia Tech in the Georgia Dome. The defense will be solid as always with Mt. Cody plugging things upfront and a great secondary in the back. I think the Tide's got their work cut out for them, but with their existing talent and a favorable schedule, they've got a great chance to take the West again and meet Florida in Atlanta for a rematch. With the number 1 recruiting class this season, they'll be great to watch for the next several seasons as well. Roll Tide Roll!!

Arkansas

Oh the Nutt-less Razorbacks. A rough middle of the season is going to be hard on Arkansas this year while they continue re-building. It's bad when the only real news about your team in the past few weeks is a DUI arrest. I don't think anyone's really expecting much out of the Hogs this year, but they're always good for a surprise and could end up giving someone a speed bump this year.

Auburn

I remember frantically switching between AM stations trying to stay tuned into the Iron Bowl while driving home from Thanksgiving last year. If there's anyway to break a long losing streak it's by a bitch-slapping shutout on your home field. A lot is expected of Auburn this year, but will the new coaching staff be able to deliver. After the 5-7 season and the Tuberville debacle, Auburn is sort of in limbo these days. They've got the desire and the talent to return to their place as a perennial contender, but how many seasons will it take? I think their first loss will tell the tale. Will the team and their loyal fan base be able to bounce back or will they think it's a repeat of last season? Their initial hurdles of Mississippi State and West Virginia (23) will help paint the picture.

Auburn Sucks

LSU

My girlfriend is from Baton Rouge (Texas fan). Man did I make a mistake wearing my Alabama hat going down there to visit her once in the fall of '07. i didn't think I was going to make it out of the airport alive or without gumbo shoved up my backside.

Ok, Saban beat them on their home ground in a great game. Can we put this media angle to bed now? Thanks. Everyone's looking for LSU to improve upon their somewhat disappointing season last year. A lot will depend on how their QB's have improved, as it was their biggest sore spot last season. A new D-coordinator may give SEC offenses something new to deal with, but I think it may be a Jeff Fisher defensive year for LSU, "bend but don't break". I think we can count on the Tigers to come to the field with a lot of energy and 4-quarter intensity as they have in the past, but making it work may be too much to improve this year. Especially with Alabama and Ole Miss being as tough as they are. Their season lineup should help them out though, as long as they can avoid injuries and imprisoned players.

Miss. State

Everyone loves an underdog. I can't help but watch MSU play and want them to win each time. They're usually good for one upset a season and personally I would love to see that come against Florida. A man can dream. Dan Mullen was Urban Meyer's O-Coordinator once upon a time, hope he has some tricks up his sleeve. The Bulldogs have often been a game of drives. One drive they'll look like a well-oiled bowl bound machine. The next drive will be something out of Little Giants, complete with the Annexation of Puerto Rico.

There are no real names coming out of their roster (2 players on the All-SEC team, both second team). It worked for the Titans last year, could it work for the Bulldogs??

Ole Miss (20)

Had the Rebels been 9-4 since the Jackson administration??

The Nutt-bags are the team everyone's anxious to see this year. They did the impossible and beat Florida by stopping Tim Tebow, can they do it again? Florida wants to swat that monkey off their shoulders for sure, but the Rebels want to back up their Fredericksburg with a Chancellorsville (had to throw in a historical reference somewhere). The only thing that would make that possibility more interesting would be if they actually got to play each other this season. Instead, Mississippi has one of the easier schedules which gives them a great chance to give Alabama a run for their money in the West.

Nutt has brough much needed pride and discipline to Ole Miss and has given them the best chance for their first-ever visit to Atlanta. The only real weakness is a lack of depth which will require freshmen to be utilized, but that's nothing new with Ole Miss's program.

I have a funny feeling we'll be seeing Florida and Alabama for a rematch this year in Atlanta. I don't think anything's standing in Florida's way (except God, I hope I pray). Alabama is going to have to want it more than Ole Miss and LSU. Either way, i'm afraid we haven't heard the last of Tim Tebow. Too bad the Lions aren't hiring anymore.

Book Review: "Meat Market"

Our second installment in what may be a 2 part series of college football book reviews is Meat Market: Inside the Smash-Mouth World of College Football Recruiting by ESPN’s Bruce Feldman. I think Feldman is one of the more knowledgeable people in sports writing today because he is one of the few people who can analyze both games and recruiting. In Meat Market, however, he focused solely on one aspect of college football, recruiting, in order to pull back the curtain and give readers some insight into how coaches go through the process of acquiring talent.

In the book, Feldman follows Ole Miss Coach Ed Orgeron from Signing Day 2006 to Signing Day 2007. Orgeron is a living legend when it comes to recruiting. He helped build the defense of the great Miami teams of the 1990s, he was the head recruiter for Pete Carroll this decade as USC became the dominant team in the nation, and at Ole Miss he was trying to build a program more or less from scratch in arguably the toughest conference in the country. In fact, one of the book’s great strengths is that it really captures what it must be like to spend a year with a man like Orgeron: constantly chugging red bulls, driving from country home to country home in search of the next star, and watching tape of high school players every time he sat down. The climax of the book comes during the end of the 2006 season, when Orgeron makes a run at star tailback Joe McKnight.

As a football fan, this book makes one thing abundantly clear to you: college football is still ultimately about talent. While parity may be on the rise due to scholarship reductions and greater national tv access for smaller teams, at the end of the day scheming and coaching means little because the team with the best athletes will almost always win. Orgeron certainly buys into this maxim throughout the book. There isn’t a day that goes by that he doesn’t spend at least the entire morning watching tape, plotting strategy, and making phone calls to recruits with the rest of his coaching staff. What was most surprising to me was that even the night before games on the road, he insisted the team hotel set up a projector so the coaches could continue to watch tape. While I understand Ole Miss is anything but a power when no one named “Manning” is waking up passed out, naked with a penis drawn on his face out on The Grove on Sunday morning, that obsession with recruiting seemed over the top. I mean, if I was a player on the 2006 Runnin’ Rebs (though based on their record, shouldn’t they be the Runnin’ Deb(utante)s? Snap! Count it! Word plays are fun and insulting!), I would really be pissed to find out my entire coaching staff was preparing for next year rather than the game I was playing in tomorrow. Guess that’s why they went winless in conference that year, maybe good coaches do actually coach. Wait, did Mack Brown and Joe Pa make it to BCS games? Never mind, recruiting is all that matters.

The other amazing thing about this book was the whole Joe McKnight phenomenon. Throughout the book, McKnight is trying to decide between staying in state and going to national power LSU, or to join the up-and-coming Rebs and Orgeron. Then, suddenly and completely out of nowhere, Pete Carroll seems to suddenly realize McKnight is a 5 star recruit a month before signing day. SPOILER ALERT: McKnight ends up at USC. It really just showed how amazing USC’s rep is at this point. While every other school recruits kids for 2 or 3 years, USC waits until the last month because they know they are already every high school kid in the country’s #1 choice. They recruit players as much as Zack Morris “laid groundwork” with women, in the sense that Zack really just walked up to any piece of strange he saw walking around Bayside High and had his way with her.

What is disappointing about this book, however, is that it is more of ethnography than anything resembling muckraking journalism. Feldman paints an entertaining picture, but if you are looking for the chance to learn about the seedy underbelly of recruiting, do not look to this book. Feldman seems solely interested on reporting what he sees without any sort of judgment, to the point that at times, seemed more concerned with justifying his subjects than analyzing them. There is one moment in particular where a player had narrowed his choice down to Ole Miss or Mississippi State the day before National Signing Day. While he was at school, coaches from both schools just sat in the player’s driveway, waiting for him so they could get the last word in before the player made his decision. This seemed to be the perfect moment for Feldman to ask, “Wait a minute, why the hell are 4 grown men waiting like a high school girl on prom night for some 17 year old guy to say he likes them? What is going on here?” Feldman, however, refuses to make any sort of judgments like that at any point in the book.

Overall, it is a solid read and an entertaining book that shows you how coaches obsess over recruiting, but not necessarily the most eye-opening piece you’ll ever read. I’d borrow it or wait for paperback.