SIGNING DAY SIGNING DAY SIGNING DAY!!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my god, we are only 2 hours away from National Signing Day! We are only a few hours away from watching high school seniors announce to the world where they are going to spend the next 3-5 years of their lives (in the case of Jordan Shipley, college is like a weapons charge, and lasts 5-9, based on parole). Now, as a high school teacher that has three sections of seniors, I kinda get to do this everyday. But tomorrow-- they're good at sports. It's like I always say, "Kids, reading is important. But not as important as your 40 without pads." It's simple, poindexter, athletes matter and you don't.

I have never really gotten into National Signing Day before. In fact, I normally spend most of the month of January putting down the phone whenever Hoogs calls, turning on the Office, and shouting "uh oh," or "really?," or "no he din't!" as he speaks non-stop for 45 minutes about some running back in Texas and how people don't know if he's really 5'9" or 5'8". It's stupid. Yet, somehow, because of the combination of increased media coverage, this stupid blog, and the fact that Michigan's recruiting class is actually one to watch this year, I've become obsessed. I just spent the last four days checking www.mgoblog.com (great site by the way) multiple times per day, including every hour today. With this new research, however, I have noticed some surprising similarities between recruiting and my last true obsession: The OC. So, what characters in college football would fit into the predictable yet intriguing characters from Fox's last great drama?


Ryan Atwood: In many ways the simplest character archetype on the show. Kid from the wrong sides of the tracks who makes good. Randy Shannon should fit into this role, after all, he survived some of the most dangerous streets in Florida to eventually become the head coach at "The M." Err, "The U." Unfortunately, Ryan is successful in almost every way-- socially he sleeps with an obscene amount of hot women for a 17 year old poor kid, those bizarre dog collars he had from season one are worn exclusively by middle class white kids who want to rebel but know smoking is too dangerous to risk, and actually acclimates with the rich family that adopts him (unlike Shannon's alienation of Miami benefactors). Plus, Ryan took APs, which automatically removes him from any school that allowed Ray Lewis to matriculate.

So, who is Ryan? It's got to be Urban Meyer. Wrong side of the tracks? Let's see, he's from Bowling Green, Ohio. Ever been there? Of course not, but you sure as hell don't want to cross those tracks. He also specializes coaching special teams, which means he's also semi-retarded. So, check wrong side of the tracks. Makes good on the gift rich, benevolent Florida gave of rescuing him from the hell that is Utah. 2 National Titles says yes. Also, pretty much all the recruiting world now revolves around him, which makes him the star of the show. Oh yeah, and take one look at Meyer. Tell me in a recruiting war he wouldn't throw the first punch.

Like Bobby Bowden, her boobs sag more each season

Marissa Cooper: Let's see, bat shit crazy that everything wrong seems to happen to? Well, this is a lot easier to cast. This is Bobby Bowden. Bobby has recruited players like Peter Warrick, Preston Parker, and then there are stories like this. So check that. Both are also stupid, let's keep this good thing rolling. Marissa was also permanently connected in one way or another with Ryan, and since he's in the same state and recruiting pool as Urban Meyer, I think he fills the bill. Finally, as we all know, Marissa died about three years after she should have left the show. You can complete this Bobby Bowden joke on your own.

Seth Cohen: The guy that is obviously a nerd, but still successful in terms of getting girls way too good for him and ends up at a good school. Not Brown, not a crazy successful school, but RISD is good. This fits the bill for Jim Tressell perfectly. Both wear sweater vests (I assume). He gets way too many recruits out of Florida and Georgia for a school in the Big 10 that plays a vanilla offense, like Seth and Summer. And yes, I think Tressell somewhere had an awkward pot phase where he somehow made recreation drug use uncool on TV.




Sandy Cohen: Umm, I'm pretty sure Pete Carroll actually watches The OC each off-season just to more fully emulate Sandy Cohen. After another awkward interception against a quality Pac 10 opponent like UCLA or Oregon State, if you watch closely, you can actually see Carroll say, "Aw, John David! How could you!" They both surf, they both pretend to be "slumming it" (Sandy as a Public Defender and Carroll as a college, not NFL, coach) when in reality they are obscenely wealthy. Oh yeah, and as we learned when Sandy had to get that hospital built with mob money in season four and Carroll needed Joe McKnight in 2006, both cheat.


Julie Cooper: Never the protagonist of the show, yet always the one you love to watch. In other words, she's Nick Saban. Let's see, the show starts off with Julie married to power hungry but corrupt and unlikable Caleb Nichol. Nick Saban was Bill Belicheck's assistant. She then totally whored herself out by screwing a high schooler. Saban coached at Michigan State. After brief trist of getting back together with Jimmy-- like when Saban went to the NFL-- Julie eventually ended up with Summer's dad, Dr. Neil Roberts. Yep, at the end of the day, she found happiness with a rich man in a traditional, established, respectable field that had been hurt and was afraid to trust after his last marriage. Sound a lot like Alabama after Mike, Not Don, Shula? Count it! Finally, Julie Cooper is old, loose, and not even real person. Yet, you all know (male and female) that if she asked you to get on her F train, you'd all jump on. Same with recruits and Nick Saban (last year's #1 class, and on pace to do it again).

Anyway, with all the attention National Signing Day is getting, it just shows you that my million dollar idea of making fraternity rush a reality TV show. Hopefully for my teams, their rush goes better than my college experience, where all the cool kids call you and say "Hey, this is Brian F-----, yeah, it's just not gonna work out."

Enjoy NSD, and feel free to debate or fill in the missing characters in the comments.