SEC Championships Live Blog

Second Hand First Half Thoughts

As I have yet to see a second of the first half, here are Brooks' thoughts as transcribed to me:

1. John Parker Wilson is a system quarterback only because the Alabama system needs a quarterback. If 30 direct snaps to Glen Coffee worked, I would imagine that is what Saban would do.

2. The SEC is not defensive conference, despite what it would like you to think. It openly accepts criticism and massive amounts of yards past the line of scrimmage.

3. Urban Meyer is wearing a white windbreaker, obviously he has got spring practices on his mind. Hopefully, he finds his shuttlecock in time for the club championship.

Half Time Show Thoughts
The half time show has been awkwardly awesome thus far.

Not confined by the secrecy of a studio desk, Archie Manning is openly displaying that he likes to wear shoes that don't match his suit. Apparently Cooper picked them out for him. Also, that suit he is wearing is priceless . . . literally. It looks like he went to some 2nd hand Gucci shop in the Meat Packing District while visiting Eli.

Spencer Tillman is wearing the smokey persian eye described previously in Best in Show.

The crew gets sentimental as they recognize this is the last time they will be together until the commercial break. They conclude with a previously choreographed, but poorly executed 4-way fist bump.

13:13 left in the 3rd
Florida looks confused as they are ushered off the field only after three plays. They hastily dress someone on the sideline and send him on the field to "punt"

7:44 left in the 3rd
Despite his best efforts, John Parker Wilson cannot incomplete a pass to Julio Jones on this drive. He finally succeeds on a 2nd and 5 by turning him around and throwing it out of the end zone. Jones looks at Wilson as if to say "well played sir"

On a long third and five, Glenn Coffee breaks away from initial contact and drives for a first down. Verne Lundquist commends him on a "great second effort," words Coffee normally hears from his professors after taking a make-up exam.

6:13 left in the 3rd
Mark Ingram pounds it in from the goal line to tie the game at 17. I am still trying to figure out if Ingram is the lightening to Coffee's thunder or the sweet to his low. Either way, that was a Splenda drive by Alabama . . . terrible.

3:45 left in the 3rd
After quickly driving into Alabama territory, the Gators are stopped on 3rd & 10 and are forced to attempt a field goal. Jonathan Smith kicks it wide right, missing for the first time this season. Tracy Wolfson is reporting on the sideline that Tebow has just replaced Smith on the depth chart.

7 seconds left in the 3rd
J.P. Wilson desperately attempts to make a play on his own on 3rd and 8. The result, a Alabama field goal attempt. It is good from 27 and the Tide take a 20-17 lead.

11:56 Left in the 4th
CBS' Gary Danielson hates on Tebow by pointing out that he has never won a game after trailing in the 3rd Quarter (0-5). Sideline microphones detect Tebow saying that Danielson has never vaccinated an African orphan. Both make compelling arguments, we'll have to wait and see if they are both true after the final whistle blows.

7: 27 Left in the 4th
The Gators reclaim the lead after Jeff Demps unnecessarily hurdles into the end zone from two yards out, 24-20.

On the ensuing possession, Julio Jones gets hurt on the sideline after J.P. Wilson throws into double coverage. Alabama may have to forfeit as he is their only receiver.

Although Jones limps back into the game, Florida sacks Wilson, who seemed to be going down on his own volition, forcing Alabama to punt.

4:01 Left in the 4th
Alabama needs a stop. With an efficient ground game, Florida has the ability to bleed the clock like a Civil War patient.

Instead, Tebow says "I'm Tim Tebow, bitch" and completes two long passes to get the ball inside the Alabama 10 yard line

I think Superman just soiled his Tebow pajamas. So did Verne Lundquist.

2:20 Left in the 4th
After Urban Meyer gets penalized five yards for caring too much, Tebow throws a scoring strike to put this game seemingly on ice, 31-20.

Gary Danielson declares that if he started a franchise in college football, he would choose Tebow to be his quarterback. Unfortunately for Danielson, Tebow only has one year of eligibility left and franchises don't fucking exist in college football.

1:35 Left in the 4th
J.P. Wilson throws the most predictable interception of the season.

The game has now entered garbage time and the audience is treated to a shot of the Tebow family in the crowd. Lundquist mentions they are missionaries who just returned from Bangledesh after they failed to convert the country to the Spread-Option Offense

End of Game
Tebow was flat-out impressive in the last 15 minutes of the game. I don't care what any body says, in 3 years, I am buying my next car from Tim Tebow.

In typical Urban Meyer fashion, he keeps the post-game interview short and smarmy and Tebow proclaims he will use his Heisman vote on Jesus. A unintentionally blasphemous Crabtree is flattered.

Florida is in the National Championship Game and now awaits the outcome of Oklahoma's 63-14 thrashing of Missouri later this evening.

Enjoy the Big 12 "Championship" "Game" this evening and take care.

What I'm Watching For, 12-5

It's the final week of the college football regular season, so before I start getting misty-eyed, here's what I'm looking for going into the weekend.

ACC Championship Game
No. No, no, no, no. I will not watch this game. Two years ago, I was watching the Army-Navy game because I'm a slave to tradition and I watch it every year. During the commercials, I flipped over to that year's ACC Championship between Georgia Tech and Wake Forest and was horrified. I kid you not, I couldn't watch the ACC game because it was so much slower. Slower than Army-Navy? What the hell, is the ACC paying tribute to Charles Barkley's athletic ability? I should also mention that this game included Calvin Johnson-- and it was still more boring than 160 men now serving in Iraq playing a regimented pick up game.

While I understand it's unfair to blow off a conference based on one match up in the rain, this year's match up looks equally unappealing. Virginia Tech v. Boston College? Uggh. Alright, let me see here. Going out on a limb, but Virginia Tech's keys to the game will be based around blocking a punt at some point and also getting some rushing yards from their QB. Speaking of which, can we please outlaw the phrase "Beamer Ball?" It's the coaching equivalent of calling a RB tandem "Thunder and Lightening." Alliteration is the instrument of the simple and the sportswriter. Boston College will rely on having solid QB play (no INTs, 2 Pass TDs) and a good run defense. Wow, I'm right and have only watched these teams play a combined 3 games. This match up sucks.

Prediction: BC 17- VT 14

Big 12 Game
This game is much more interesting. I know everyone thinks it's going to be a blowout, but I think it'll be a game for at least a half. Keys to the game:

Oklahoma: How their defense tackles. While I think the pass rush is key against any pass-happy spread offense, especially an offense run by a QB as familiar with the system as Chins Daniel, I don't think it's as important in this game. When Hoogs, Herbie and I watched the the Texas-Mizzou game, I was struck by how well the Texas defense tackled the Tigers skill players. Chins rarely throws the ball downfield, even less the Texas Tech, and instead relies on hitting their fast skill position players on 3-7 yard routes in space to let them build up speed and collect a ton of YAC (The stat that is to me what Sly Croom is to Uncle D. I can't get enough YACity YAC). When you tackle these players as soon as they get the ball, you completely neutralize the offense. OU did it against Texas Tech exceptionally well, and if they face Florida, they'll have to do it again.

Mizzou: This team lives and dies by Chins Daniel. If he is flustered in the pocket, if he's inaccurate because his footwork is off, if he can't use his legs to keep a defense honest, this team is sunk. If you doubt me, plug in the tape from the Oklahoma State and Texas games.

Prediction: OU 56- Mizzou- 24

SEC Title Game
The big game of the day. I would also like to promise you that I will not cop out and say that the "game will be decided upfront." Thanks, media, let's also throw in their the key to the game is the turnover margin. When was the last time you watched a game and thought, "Wow, this team has no offensive or defensive line, but than god they have that free safety, he's single handedly wining the game for them!?" The line is always key, so let's have some original analysis. For me, original requires me tapping my inner Ron Jaworski, commentator for the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE.

Florida: The key to this game is Tim Tebow's rushing statistics. When Tebow is forced to be the primary running back for the Florida offense, the teams struggles. Those hands should only be used for 3 yard swing passes, handoffs, and pre-teen Asian circumcisions. The two games where their offense had the most problems rushing the ball-- Miami and Mississippi-- also happened to be their first close call and actual upset this year. Remember how good the offense looked when Tebow took that 4th and 1 off the right guard at the end of the Ole Miss game? If Percy Harvin is healthy enough to play it will certainly ease the burden, but Florida needs to be able to run the ball with Jeff Demps, Chris Rainey and Emanual Moody if they are going to outscore Alabama.

Update: Harvin will apparently "need a miracle" to be able to play according to ESPN-- Brooks

Alabama: I'll again turn to the Ole Miss game. College football has shown that there are no good defenses out there this year, only some teams with better offenses than others. So if Alabama is going to beat Florida, they are going to have to out-score them. Ole Miss was successful against Florida by having great balance (140 yards rushing, 185 passing). Brandon Spikes, the MLB for Florida, is by far the best player on their defense, and nothing freezes and neutralizes a middle linebacker better than a play-action based offense to keep him guessing. Balance will also allow John Parker "Brooks" Wilson to exploit a young Florida secondary peeking into the backfield with play action passes deep. If 'Bama gets one dimensional, whether because of the Florida D studding out or the Florida offense putting them in a big hole, then they're done.

Prediction (wishful): Tide 31- Gators 28

BC-Yes

We have all heard about how the media disagrees with the selection of OU over Texas in the Big 12 Title game, which is ironic because the media represents 67% of the BCS formula, so they are frustrated that they got it wrong. Perhaps, some of you may have even read Hoogs' recent post (if you missed it, feel free to enjoy his diatribe here). I found a very interesting article from si.com, however, that raises an excellent counterpoint to all the ranting and raving about Oklahoma's selection.

While I vehemently disagree with the author's closing point about the virtue of "style" points and what that's done to "classy" coaches like Mack Brown over the years-- I think it's ridiculous to penalize or reward a bunch of 20 year old kids for how they beat an opponent-- his initial point is valid. You cannot claim that this is a two team race: the Big 12 was a three way tie where each team went 1-1. The nature of a three way tie like this one is that any argument is cyclical (and as we learned in Season 1 of Nip/Tuck when Matt McNamara had a 3 way with his lesbian ex-girlfriend and her lover, someone always gets left out in a three way). I agree with the author here, because to try and turn any tie like this one into a two team race is impossible. If I was a voter, I think I would give the slightest advantage to Oklahoma in the polls after their victory in Stillwater, for reasons I explained previously.

The good news is, this is not a win-lose situation for college football fans that don't live in the 512. If Texas had won the tiebreaker over Oklahoma, however, or if OU loses Saturday and Texas goes to the National Title game, as a college football fan I'll be perfectly happy with the outcome. At the end of the day, I'm excited to watch either team play on January 8 because OU and Texas are almost identical teams. Both teams have great coaches with talented assistants, both teams have incredible quarterbacks who get the ball to a core of deep, gifted receivers, and both teams have defenses and run games that at times look dominant and at other points look suspect. Both team are exciting, entertaining, and both can beat Florida, Alabama, and USC.

Tigers Are Retarded

Ok, I wanted to write this post after Clemson fired Tommy Bowden earlier this fall, but they ended up giving the job to Dabo (are you kidding me with that name?) Swinney. By staying in house, those Tigers escaped my rage.

Thankfully, another set of retarded felines apparently have stepped up and taken their place today, as Auburn has fired Tommy Tuberville. This was like a gift from idiot heaven, as I think that this firing was actually worse than Bowden's-- and I thought Bowden's was one of the worst in years. Tommy Tuberville did not deserve to be fired for the Tigers performance this year, and I believe that Auburn has put itself in an incredibly dangerous situation by letting this talented coach leave.

Let's first look at why Tuberville deserved to keep his job. In his ten seasons at Auburn, Tuberville has amassed a record of 85-40, which comes to an easy average record of 8-4 per year. If you throw out this years 5-7 record, he averaged 9 wins per season. This is an impressive record, especially when you factor in that Auburn has only averaged 6 wins and change over it's 116 year history. In fact, Tuberville has the third highest winning percentage in school history since 1922, and he is actually second if you don't count Terry Bowden's winning percentage vs. 19 Year Old's Virginity in his career stats. Tuberville took Auburn to 8 bowls in 10 seasons, went 5-3 in those bowls, took them to an undefeated season and #3 ranking in 2004 with a victory in the Sugar Bowl, and has three other SEC Western Division Championships. He has produced 12 All-Americans, 6 first round draft picks, and currently has 67 players in the NFL. Oh yeah, and he also has a 7-3 record against Alabama. That's the second best record in series history-- second only to a guy named Bear. I think that makes Tuberville Auburn's version of Day Man-- Fighter of the Night Man, Champion of the Sun. He's a Master of Karate and Friendship for Everyone. Ahhh Ahhh!

So why do you fire him? For having his first losing season since his first year at Auburn. People also forget one of the major reasons why his team was bad this year. Tuberville knew the Auburn alumni are insane, and so when Auburn had trouble adjusting to Tony Franklin's spread offense that the alums forced him to adopt, he had to fire Franklin mid-season in order to keep those same alums from firing him. While you can say he had to fire Franklin because the rest of the offensive staff allegedly revolted against him, Tuberville also wouldn't have brought Franklin in without clearing out the entire offensive staff in the first place if he wasn't forced into the move.

While it is clearly idiotic to hire one of your two best non-pedophile coaches in the past 75 years, it is also a very dangerous precedent for Auburn to set. If you are a prospective coach, why on earth would you take this job? You are replacing a coach who was fired because 8.5 wins per year was deemed to be insufficient in the SEC, so that means you better average 9.5 wins per year and win 80% of your games against Alabama or your ass is also getting Donald Trumped. Oh yeah, on top of that, you have to win that much with that whole Nick Saban guy at Alabama now. While Mike Shula was coach, Auburn for a few years was the big dog along the Gulf Coast. Now, you are expected to win more than Tuberville while also only getting Saban's in-state Sean Avery's. You can make all the arguments about the money in the SEC, but guess what, all football schools offer big money. Good luck getting a marquee name now.

My hope is that Tuberville pulls a Houston Nutt (after Nutt pulled a Tuberville?), and makes the jump from one SEC school to another. I hear Mississippi State has an opening . . .

Tommy Gets (Au)Burned

ESPN is currently reporting that ESPN is reporting that Tommy Tuberville will not return as head coach of Auburn next season.  Tuberville has not commented publicly, as he is probably too busy cleaning out his office and updating his information on his myspace page.  Even though a replacement has yet to be named,  the Ole Ball Coach is busy preparing to cite recruitment violations.

With the departures of Tuberville, Sylvester Croom (single tear), Phil Fulmer, the SEC will welcome at least three new coaches next year that will hate Nick Saban.  I wouldn't be surprised if Auburn makes a run at Texas Tech's Mike Leach.  Leach's exit from Lubbock seems imminent, as Harrell is graduating to Arena League dominance and Grab-Tree will most likely enter the NFL Draft.  So it appears as if Leach can be had as long as his asking price isn't too unreasonable (i.e. $5 million per, an associate professorship of Mad Science, and a bounty of weird pirate shit to adorn his office)

Who do you think will replace Tuberville and is Tommy going to be in a studio or on a sideline next year?

Clever. I'm anxious to read it.

More available at www.gump4heisman.com

Bevo Can Still Whip It

Somehow, this year's college football season has turned out to resemble a fantasy sports league. Not in the way that points have been put on the board, but in the way that Hoogs' team is on the outside looking in of a national title, yet all we seem to be doing is talking about them.

Anyway, looks like Mack Brown might want to clear some room in the trophy case regardless of Saturday's Big XII Title Game.